I'm doing 10 things
yesterday, amid exams and finals and papers to write and a study design I’m working on, I realized that it was the anniversary of my mom’s passing.
She would have NEVER wanted me to remember that date, but you know…some things you just can’t forget, like where you were when the twin towers collapsed on 9/11, the day you got the biopsy results of your own cancer, the day you watch your mother take her last breath.
So, I got thru the day, not thinking about it much, trying to concentrate on school. But then I got back to my room, and opened up the chat window to “talk” to my hubby, and as we both remembered what day it was, having both been there at her side, it made me sad to think about how it seems only yesterday she was puttering around in the kitchen, and how it was really HER that made that house home. I’m even crying as I write this…
I’m glad her suffering is over. That’s what she wanted me to be. These tears are for me, because I will not share a laugh with her ever again, see her smile, have her ruffle my hair and say “be strong, there are worse things in life than this, tomorrow is a new day” etc.
I’m the poorer without you, mom. I try every day to live up to your exmaple, to be strong and not let the fuckers get me down. But deep inside, I’m a small, small being. You were an extraordinary woman, mom, and I am lucky to have known you, and had you for a mother.
