gntlbreeze

i got the cutest purse that’s great for spring/summer. the shape is so similar to some purses i already have, but the pattern is what makes it unique. but i might end up returning it because i already have several small purses and i have a feeling that this season i’ll be needing something bigger for holding the necessary traveling kit, water, sunglasses, lotion, wallet, etc. and i want to stop buying things that i’m not going to get the most use out of. i can’t make up my mind!

i really need to stop overeating. i was doing so well a few weeks ago with my juicing and more healthful habits, but now i eat like i don’t give a shit-though i really do give a shit. today i had chocolate milk, strips of beef, 5 french toast sticks, 1 glass vegetable juice, ribs, corn made with olive oil and butter, and i’m sure i’ll keep going until the next day. i ordered over $30 of candies and i want to prevent myself from eating it all in a day or 2. i know it all started when people started noticing my weight loss and it made me self conscious. then on top of that i’ve been extremely stressed out over work. i need a vacation but my vacation time is slim and i really don’t want to use it all because when its gone, its gone and i have to wait until january before i can get more. i need to relax and start getting healthy. now i feel so bad because i let myself get out of control when i was doing so well. i’m really going to try hard to get with the program and not let people or my emotions stop me from reaching my goal.

so in the last few weeks i’ve been told my skin looks good, asked if i’ve lost weight by 2 people, and told i’m very pretty (with all do respect) by a total stranger. this would be totally great and maybe a boost to keep going on the right path to a normal person. i am not a normal person. the skin compliments were fantastic, the notice of weight loss and flirting is another thing. it made me WAAAAYYY self conscious and i started eating desserts every day. i stopped dressing nice for work. i just slap my hair together instead of taking the time to look nice. i stopped juicing like i used to and ate crap all the time. i started sleeping all day and getting lazy. and worst of all, because i stopped doing what was working for me, i started spotting again and my skin started breaking out. now i’m at square 1. why do i do this to myself? my friend didn’t know i was trying to be healthier and when she started to mention the talk about me losing weight, in my head i was thinking ‘no no no don’t say it!’ because i knew it would send me on a downward spiral. so here i am at the bottom and have to climb my way up again. i need to stop sabotaging myself.