alexis

ive have an eating disorder for about 7 months now. at first i was diagnosed with anorexia and now ive become full blown bulimic.i have to convince myself every morning not to binge and purge, and so far for the fast few weeks i have failed miserably. i know that i am hurting those close to me and i am hurting someone very special to me at this moment, who would die if he knew how many times i have purged. i want to stop, but i just find it so difficult to. i was in an out paitent program for about a month and have been out of it for 2 months now. i feel that i am getting worse, but i do not want to cost my family any more money. its almost like i enjoy it when i do it and then i hate what comes after the rush of stuffing myself. most times its just something to do and then i feel so bad about what i had done that i just want to die(literaly) its such a vicous cycle, but sometimes i cant imagine my life without bulimia….sad truly sad. i am so sick of hurting myself and others around me, i hate the alienation of it too. i feel so overwhelemed!!!! helpp