goodegurl107

thing to do. especially when you want to move on with your life but you know that that feeling, memory, pain, or person is holding you back. I’ve had many people hurt me in my life and it seems as i get older, the harder it is to forgive the people who have caused me so much unneccessary pain. Jus the memory or the thought of them sets you back, and you can’t move forward no matter how hard I try. It’s like I’ve come across some immovable boulder that won’t budge until all the rifts and pains in my life are gone, or I resolve and get rid dof the skeletons i keep hidden in the closet.
and i’ve learned that about me too—when people hurt me, i cut them out of my life and live as if they were never part of my existence, which ofcourse is not true….and then when they begin to seep back into my present world, i panic. and then the pain rushes in, the pain that i’ve tried to lock away for so long. so in a way, i dont know how to truly forgive the people that have hurt me. heck, i dont even know how to live with the memories they’ve left behind with me. and the more i dont acknowledge the pain’s presence, the more frightening, threatening and intimidating they become. its a sad cycle i put myself through…..but i just dont know how to overcome this….how to truly forgive, let go and move on.

Opening Credits: A Place in this World – Taylor Swift
She’s one of my favorite artists and I think this song describes my situations perfectly, even growing up and up till now. Trying to find your place in the world and who you’re expected to be…I thought its a good opener—I also couldn’t decide to use it as the closing either.

Middle School: Don’t Let Me Get Me – Pink
The awkward years for me…a time when I didn’t have much respect or love for myself. I was my own worst enemy, and I couldn’t stand being me sometimes. I always wanted to be someone else or wished I had what they had.

High School: Welcome to my Life – Simple Plan
My teenage angst, i guess. I was always stressed, depressed, and just down about something….it was the beginning of me being very unhappy with life and how I was choosing to live it. To everyone else, i appeared fine and whole, but behind my facade, I was troubled.

Numb – Linkin Park
My relationship with my dad, my parents. They have a certain expectation of me that I cannot hold, and it was dragging me all throughout my childhood and adolescence. In the end, I became numb to their words and chose to live to make myself happy. No matter how hard I tried, I could never satisfy my parents.

I Dont Wanna Be – Gavin DeGraw
In high school, it seems everyone is trying to fit into a mold, find the person they’re going to be for the rest of their lives, etc. And I chose to not want to conform…although i admit, I faltered a bit.
But I didnt want to be like everyone I knew in high school…and because of this, I felt alone and a bit isolated in high school…but then again, who doesn’t?

Tangled Up in Me – Skye Sweetnam
The first guy I’ve really had feelings for. It was new, and I didn’t know that I would push him away whenever I thought he was getting too close…even though we were just friends.

Teardrops on my Guitar – Taylor Swift
The way I felt towards the guy. I never told him how I felt because I thought he wouldn’t feel the same way, and I would hide my feelings I had for him because I thought it would be better that way.

Colorblind – The Counting Crows
The way the guy made me feel. While I thought everyone around me was just self-absorbed, selfish, manipulative, and phony, I thought he was the one person who could see me for who I am…and see past the facade I showed to the world. To him, at times I felt transparent, almost as if he understood me even when I’m hiding my true feelings.

Breakaway – Kelly Clarkson
Moving away to college. Pretty much how I felt when I was moving out: ) And a chance to breakaway from the unrequited crush I had from the guy.

Don’t Tell Me – Avril Lavigne
Although avril would have ‘kicked his ass and make him never forget’, I was just too heartbroken and wondered why the guy would have done such a thing to me in the first place.

Wish You Were – Kate Voegele
Again, about the guy: Although the things that happened between us were not what i wanted and wished i could change, i still wanted us to be friends…and i also wished that he were the person i thought he was, i guess the person that i made him out to be.

You’re Not Sorry – Taylor Swift
When i finally began to realize that the guy wasn’t the kind of person i thought he was and that we would never be friends again. This song made me want to let go and move on, and not feel so hurt for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Taylor seemed to understand the pain to hold on to someone who’s just not worth it.

Wreck of the Day – Anna Nalick
Another song that touched me about letting go and moving on. The memories were only causing me pain, and so it’s better if I just let go.

How I Feel – Kelly Clarkson
The bitterness I felt towards guys in my life. It felt that all the good ones were taken, or, all are just not good at all. I was ready to throw in the towel when it came to love and relationships and just ‘sit this one out.’ One of my favorite lines from the song, ‘fairy tales from so long ago, save them for someone who’s not smart enough to know’

Good People – Jack Johnson
There seemed to be a lack of ‘good people’ in the world, the media, and in society. Sad to say but it took me 18 years to figure that one out.

Everything’s Just Wonderful – Lily Allen
My realization that the world isn’t perfect,nor is society, and neither should it depict how I should live my life and what kind of person I should be. But since this is how the world is, I must find some way to live in it and be happy even though I’m not with the way things are.

Irvine – Kelly Clarkson
My dark period. A time in my life when I felt like I had no one and I questioned God, wondering if he’s there to help me, if he can provide any comfort when I felt there was none.

Who’d Have Known – Lily Allen
When I met the boy—not the guy, in other words, how he made me feel. It was new and refreshing, and I didn’t expect I could fall for someone again in a better way.

Daughters – John Mayer
I guess this song is what I wished the boy had known about me—or women in general, for that matter…that she has past wounds, and all her relationships with people in her life have affected her and it has nothing to do with him….how fragile she could be and to just understand that. In a way, I wish he knew just how fragile I felt.

Don’t Let Me Stop You – Kelly Clarkson
Somewhere in our ‘courting’ the boy was changing his behavior and I didn’t understand why. I tried my best to be there for him, but for whatever reason he wouldn’t let me through…so i thought, ‘don’t let me stop you’ from doing what ever it is he wants to do….it wouldn’t making me happy to stay in that kind of relationship.

Breakup : All You Wanted – Michelle Branch
This song speaks to me…probably because I still feel this way and it still hurts. Because I didnt really understand why things ended, and he didn’t pay that much attention to me, I feel this way…that if he would have let me in and drop his guard down that he had up for whatever reason and saw me for me, then we could have worked out. maybe, he would have seen ‘me’ and things wouldn’t have ended the way it did….just maybe, but then again I have no idea what was going on in his head.

Another break-up song: Cry – Kelly Clarkson
A break up song about pretending you’re okay and everything’s fine, but you still feel the pain, what it feels like to really cry.

Tomorrow – Lillix
After a while, it seems like I live my life everyday the same way. Just a hum drum, depressing and lonely way of life…having nothing to look forward to…and tomorrow will be the same way.

Lonely Day – Phantom Planet
pretty much like the same as above.

Let it Be – The Beatles
having hope, learning to let things go in your life and just ‘let things be’ its an inspirational song to me and i put it on to remind myself to stop worrying and accept my situation for what it is.

Only Hope – Switchfoot
After a lot of things has been going on in my life, this song was pretty much how i felt when i started to build my faith, practice having faith.

Lessons Learned – Carrie Underwood
Another inspirational song that i put on to think back on all the life experiences i’ve gone through and what i’ve learned through them…and in the end, how i’m a better and stronger person because of these events.

Closing Credits: Rush – Aly & AJ
I thought this song would fit for the closing. it doesn’t necessarily sound like its ending, but its also like a beginning. And yes, ‘don’t let nobody tell you that your life is over, be every color that you are’ : )

songs that I just love and wished I could put on my list:
the best day – taylor swift
on the radio – regina spektor
mr brightside – the killers
(there’s gotta be) more to life – stacie orrico
new slang – the shins
the good that won’t come out – rilo kiley
pictures of success – rilo kiley
scars – papa roach
makedamnsure – taking back sunday
my blue heaven – tkaing back sunday
la mar – the beautiful girls
i know you won’t – carrie underwood
starts with goodbye – carrie underwood
open your eyes – snow patrol
white horse – taylor swift
comfortable – john mayer
goodbye to you – michelle branch
keep holding on – avril lavigne
real love – regina spektor
dare you to move – switchfoot
jesus christ – brand new
absolutely nothing – lily allen
when you were young – the killers
the ghost of a good thing – dashboard confessional
all that i’ve got – the used
my happy ending – avril lavigne
campus – vampire weekend
naive – the kooks
skeleton song – kate nash
like the angel – rise against
breathe – taylor swift
save you – kelly clarkson
ahh this list can go on forever…

i haven’t completed this goal just yet but i found a quote i think fits my belief on this matter:

“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief”

funny, but i think i found this quote from another 43thinger…not sure who,though, but at least i know I’m not alone on this…