join the club… i go for f**k ups. i love them, and i want to help people, yet find i get nothing back. sometimes i find that somebody appears normal, but i later find out that theyve got an issue with something..
my last ex-has psychotic episodes, was depressed, was a male rape victim, and had drug dependednce issues.
before that? had anger management problems, borderline personality disorder and an alcoholic.
before that? alcoholic who was immature and couldnt commit to a relationship.
before that? a cheat who 3 timed me.
hmm..how do we break the cycle?
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i’ve spent a year in useless tepid relationships, all the time fancying others or wishing i was with others because of problems in my own relationships. today my boyfriend told me he didnt want to continue our relationship anymore as he didnt feel ready for a relationship and has lots of his own problems to contend with first and besides, decided that after three years single- he actually liked being single and having time alone.
so instead of my romantic dream that i was desperately trying to fullfill, i’m back to square one.
the thing is this, i find it so easy to find men. right now i have men i could date, but i dont want that. i just want a nice long term , live in relationship with somebody whom i love and who loves me and we can support each other. i want to be married and have kids, not go out on loads of dates with all these different men. i just want a husband.
trent reznor would do…. ;)
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i’m not a physically aggressive person usually, but i am verbally and i’m quite intense and animated and swear a lot.
deep down i’m a very soft and gentle person but i find myself being wound up a lot of the time, and as a result, getting aggressive.
i cant help it. i wish i was soft like marilyn monroe or something, lol, but i'm not, and end up verbally battering people down in relationships, just because i can.
my late father was an alcoholic and my mother is a very short tempered person who resorts to shouting and screaming much of the time. as a result, i end up expecting a row, or gearing myself up for a fight or start shouting or losing my temper in in appropriate settings. i wish i wasn’t like this because i know that i sometimes intimidate people and people who dont know me are weary of me. :(
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I'm doing 28 things
