grandlight

I still realized today that even though I’ve been making positive changes in my life I still don’t have confidence in myself. It can only be summed up as, “This road is longer than I thought”.

I’ve done a few more things to help me. I started wearing more of my favorite clothes even though they aren’t “cool” to wear. I also started doing more things for myself rather than others. Driving slower was one but the best one that I think I did was use this anime folder as my homework folder in a class. I was kinda thinking that my life would crumble around me but then I realized that it was no big deal. Needless to say it was really easy to find my folder after we turned them in lol.

Basically I’m just trying to leave my extremely small comfort zones and trying to do things that I wouldn’t have. Obviously I not going to get tricked but I want to do things on my own accord rather than somebody else’s. And that’s my problem because I’m still somewhat thinking about reactions from others rather than if I wanted to do it.

I think if I keep up with this they’ll just disappear.

I’ve been working at this for a while but I’d always get stuck in the middle and fall all the way back to the beginning. I believe I’m taking positive strides in my life but I still have a lot to deal with if I want to completely change. I want to change these things about myself,

-I want to say no more and not feel guilty.

-I want to be myself and be comfortable with myself

-I want to have more faith in my abilities and knowledge.

I really want to work on #2 because it’s preventing me from finding anymore true friends.

I did realize that to help myself I need to disagree more when I want to, and not be afraid to speak up when I don’t like something. I realized that I can’t force understandings either if the other person doesn’t want to understand me.

I’ll keep working on this.