I'm doing 31 things
I have to remember that I won’t always feel this stupid, incompetent, freakish, SAD. I have felt this badly before and recovered so I will again. Feels like I’m on this cycle that keeps on repeating itself over and over. Want to get off this treadmill and just feel normal. Normal happy then normal sad. Normal incompetent not leave my job I’m so shit I just want to slink out of here and dissappear incompetent. Somewhere along the way over the last two months I started on this downward spiral. I finished work at Christmas only to discover, when I had time that I was sick. Really mentally not well. It’s scary feeling like this. I love life when it’s good and I can’t wait to get back to feeling that way but at the moment i’m scared, depressed, hopeless. HOPELESS and really despondent about the future. I really feel like I can’t do this barrister thing. I can’t!!!!! No money, no partner, no house. 31 and no nothing. What part of this is missing andy? Is facing the reality that this time he’s not coming back for me? I don’t know. It wasn’t right. he didn’t like me. But he was it. The one. And now he’s on match.com searching for love. It feels chemical though and I feel powerless against it. Down I go and although I am at pains to describe it I can’t. Can’t feel good. Can’t feel anything except terror. Emptiness Nothingness pushed up against you like somethingness. Want it to stop. Want to be not weird (am very worried about that personality thing today). Depression is so weird. It’s a disease but what do you say, sorry you broke your hand I’m sick as well? I have a dose of depression? mmmmmmmmmmm. I’d like for something good to happen. Something happy. That would be great.
greenm's Life List
-
1. do charity work
117 people -
2. keep my weight below 104
1 entry1 person -
3. Be successful at the bar
1 person -
4. Look inward for answers, be me.
1 person -
5. write with ease and clarity
1 person -
6. focus and concentrate
14 people -
7. more than anything in the world meet and marry the right person for me and have children
1 entry1 person -
8. own a bike and cycle regularly
1 person -
9. be stylish
52 people -
10. sing, sing, sing!!!
1 entry26 people -
11. Find my blackberry!!!
1 person -
12. support myself financially
37 people -
13. deal with my ADD. Stop being so sad.
1 entry1 person -
14. Kiss someone I find crazy attractive that has potential!
1 person -
15. be on time
3 entries947 people -
16. feel freedom and excitement
1 person -
17. be kind to people
1 entry7 people -
18. have lots of money of my own
1 person -
19. be clearheaded and alert
1 person -
20. go to Argentina
164 people -
21. be with my true love
10 people -
22. have confidence in myself and not be self depreciating
1 person -
23. write thank you notes
154 people -
24. love
1 entry2,781 people -
25. learn how to cook
1 entry1,493 people -
26. be a better listener. Let people finish their stories
1 entry1 person -
27. have good posture
1 entry118 people -
28. do yoga at least once a week
1 entry25 people -
29. own my own house near the city centre in Dublin
1 entry1 person -
30. have a house full of music and laughter
2 cheers1 person -
31. be nice to people, forgiving if they mess up and do my best not to mess up on them
1 person
Recent entries
Not a good time
11 months ago
Untitled
15 months ago
It was so great to sing with the trio at Dee’s wedding. Wow, I’m good and I get such a thrill out of it. Thanks!!!!
