I am a big dreamer and in all my thoughts about him I thought I would just see him and know. And if not the first time then the second time we saw each other. Well, life is full of little mysteries. We must trust that we certainly don’t know it all. And yes there are a few stories out there of people who knew right away but that won’t be everyone’s story. When I met him he was just a “guy” not particularly my “type” either. But he was different. It took me 6-8 months to realize this is the I’ve been dreaming of all this time!!! How could I not see?? Part of it was that I rejected it could be him because he wasn’t wearing carrying a sign that said “I’m the one”. And also because I was so filled with past hurt, confusion, fear, anxiety that I couldn’t let go and see clearly. I remember the day I realized it was him. And I said to him “I’m ready now, I’m ready to be with you.”
This man, my love, my bunny is all I want in this world. He is my home he is the yang to my yin. And everything else in this world is extra whip cream on top of the ultimate brownie sundae.
I must add too… it’s still lots and lots and lots of work!!
Again I learn again. I just had a vacation with some friends and was “expecting” to have a really awesome time, bonding, sharing stories etc. But the energy was not there for that and instead it was a rather surface time with not much sharing or connection. I think this is just the space we were all in, the energy that was created, which is ok – not everyday is a sunny day. I can’t help but wonder if I would be so bothered if I didn’t have such high hopes.
I’ve come a long way. I used to cry if ever someone in the mean world hurt my feelings. This would happen frequently. I’m learning (as I see myself out of victimhood) that it is a choice to take it personally. I’m starting to really dislike the way it feels, it takes away my power and throws me off balance. I’ve been listening to CD’s of “The Four Agreements” one line which is said I keep thinking about… “if someone tells you you’re ugly – don’t take it personally. If someone tells you you’re beautiful – don’t take it personally.” It takes some adjusting of my current framework to fully understand and live the implications of this. But it feels way better!!! Yeah! Still working hard at it though.