gumboho

this was a crappy bday. really crappy. too bad i’m too passive aggressive to announce to the world that it’s my bday. i just feel selfish saying it. what’s the big deal? pat and jeff jetted off to india for 2 weeks with my ex-friend/ex-bf’s gf after we broke up and the guys here didn’t really care enough. so i ate dinner alone.

must not pity party…after all, my mom’s the one that went through labor.

after a LOT of messups, general fear of the machine, lots of thread and cursing, i made my own curtains!! too bad the stupid curtain rod i got was too short for the window…and they dont’ make bigger.

i think sometimes…i’m in shock of what’s going on at home…not that we got almost hit by a hurricane..but the after effects of it. i’ve been obssessivly watching the news online (local streaming; national is horrible)..in some ways, it comforts me. the news anchors have also lost their homes, as well as the mayor and governor..in the end, i find that material items don’t matter. of course the important things can never be replaced..but we’re alive, my family’s okay, so far all my friends. that isn’t the issue..it’s watching everything i know and grew up with disappear before my eyes. watching the total destruction of a beautiful unique city going down into anarchy and chaos and trash. everywhere, there’s people blaming this or that or who or what..does it matter right now? will it matter in the future? it’s ALREADY happened..just focus on finding people and safety and rebuilding ..then figure out a plan for the future.

i’m so torn about so many situations such as the looting. when i first heard about it, i hated it, i hated them. why are you stealing things you don’t have power for?! but when it comes down to water and food, i’m not there. i don’t know how it is to be there for 4 days w/ barely any hope left. who wouldn’t steal water when it’s a basic life necessity? and no, not everyone there is poor. i have had family friends in that same crowd..staring at the horrors around them. most people lost what little they had..and now they have nothing.

i hate watching new orleans going down like this. kenner (suburb and where the airport is) got hit horribly, but i’m not that worried about home..i know the kenner mayor has been working feverishly..the 5-6feet of water is already pumped out. but i also grew up in new orleans, went to high school there, hung out with my friends there. and seeing these satellite photos of kate’s house and charle’s house and shannon’s and the little robert e. plaza that we always went to under water is something that just leaves me speechless. the national respsonse has also left me speechless..with awe. it’s incredible what everyone is doing to help; houston has been so giving. i take back everything bad i’ve said about it. it makes me grateful for living in america, where the everyday citizens don’t think twice about opening up their homes.

with that note, it’s hard being in st. louis while this is happening. i would do anything to go to new orleans and help. being here..the people are ignorant..and no, not the adults. my bosses and the people fixing my car (i got into an accident in the middle of all this) have been super nice. even the cop that came to the scene was so warm and understanding. the surprise is my friends here..no one seems to see this happening..that’s what i find bizarre. i just wanted a hug! that’s it! and the people around me walk around like nothing is occuring. in fact, the people that have asked the most are the ones the most far away from me, even people i haven’t talked to in ages..

the best therapy has been talking to my friends at home. we usually only see each other at christmas for annual camping and new year’s at kieffer’s and celebration in the oaks on bob’s bday..but talking to them everyday has brought me peace and laughter and hope. it makes life seem normal for a moment.

the whole situation humbles me, as it should america. this is occuring here..and it should put light to the fact of the americans walking around everyday while third world countries suffer even worse than we do here. puts everything into perspective.

and i’m sorry, but i’m behind the mayor and governor. whether or not they did the right things before the storm doesn’t matter right now. they’re doing the best currently.

“Excuse my French, everybody in America, but I am pissed.” -Mayor Nagin