alleyesonme

Well, I went to the attorney yesterday. I feel sooooo much better now.

Worst case scenario, he files for divorce and interim custody, files a restraining order and gets me kicked out of the house. My lawyer said the longest that would go on would be 10 days. Then we’d see a judge.

And most likely, the judge would reverse everything, giving me custody and the house. Because judges don’t like children being used as pawns.

Second worse case scenario, we get going with the whole divorce thing and I end up with half of everything and shared custody.

More likely scenario, I get half of everything, the house until my son is 18yo, and full custody with visitation for dad. And child support and alimony until I’m done with school.

So, I feel a million times better. I’m a very “big picture” kind of person. I need to have all the options and possibilities laid out for me. So this was very comforting.

1. I always thought that whoever filed first got the best stuff. Not so. They may have everything for a few weeks until it gets to a judge. Then things will change.
2. I was worried about being able to afford attorney’s fees, because his parents are loaded and will bring out the big guns for him. The sharks. My lawyer has been a family friend for many years, and said not to worry about it. He’ll make sure I can afford it. Not that it won’t be expensive. It’s possible that he would have to pay my attorney fees.

Because I live in a no-fault state, the infidelity won’t play a role in the actual divorce. We’ll negotiate with his lawyer to get what we want. Then, at the end, if he balks at something, like the house or what not, we’ll say “ok, let’s go to trial. Oh, and by the way, we have X Y and Z (all the receipts, pics, etc).” And he’ll probably back down.

• Continue gathering my evidence.
• At some point in the near future, I’ll confront him.
• What happens after that is anyone’s guess.

My lawyer also gave me advice on documenting our assets, told me to get a job, save money, get my own accts, a safe deposit box, and maybe a counselor.

I broke down last night, started balling and the whole bit. Every time he says something mean to me, I just want to scream @ him, “I KNOW YOUR CHEATING.”

But, I didn’t tell him. Waiting till I see the lawyer to figure out where to go from here.

Last night, he says to me, “You turn me down 99.9% of the time for sex.” WHAT????? It is so not like that. I’ll admit to having issues in the sex dept, but I’ve mostly worked through that.

For instance, I was abused.

And I grew up in a very restrictive environment. Sex was not discussed. So I had to work through those issues.

I also have self esteem issues. I’m fat, ugly, zits, etc

The other thing he doesn’t realize is that it’s hard to get turned on when he calls me all day and is mean, or when he walks into the house like a bull. Yelling, bitching, etc. Until it’s time for bed, then it’s “let’s have sex.” Sorry, doesn’t work like that.

I feel like a sister to him. A domestic partner, but not a lover. He’s just not that interested in me.

And the thing is, now I feel like the affair he’s having is my fault.

But really, if he thought we were having issues in the bedroom, wouldn’t it behoove him to tell me?????

• Find out the status of their relationship. Is this a fling? Or is he planning on leaving me for her?
• When or if do I tell him I know?
• Decide what to do. There are only three options here. I leave him, he leaves me, or we stay together.

I love him, but don’t know that I can forgive this. On the other hand, I’ve built my life with this cheating, lying, whore.

I guess I’m at an age-old decision. Ignore it for convenience. Confront him and bear out the consequences, whatever they may be.

It just really pisses me off, because we were talking about this the other day. There’s quite a lot of cheating in our town. I said something to him about how affairs ruin lives. Not just the adults, but also the kids. You know what he said?!

This takes balls…”I think me being from a broken home really helped me, cuz I know what it’s like to grow up without a dad, and I would never want that to happen to (child).”

Big, fucking, huge kahonnies, right?! Fucking hypocrite.

I have a quick exit plan in case I have to leave. I doubt it will come to that. My only other concern is if he leaves me, before I’m ready. I mean, if I confront him and he leaves, whatever. But if he just up and leaves me now, I’m going to be in huge trouble.

So, I need to work on that. Like I said earlier, I have an appointment with my family lawyer on Thursday.