happy1s

well yeah. its not the nicest feeling in the world realizing that indeed you have a major problem. although i have been aware for a few years that i had a problem, it was surpisingly easy to avoid confronting my problems when i did not have a diganosis. well taht has come around and bit me on the back. it is true! i am deranged! not phschotic but yeah a little left of the middle. i spose mose people are or the ones i tend to connect with, but at the end of the day, i guess i have to laugh, cause it is actually quite funny when, although you know it cant hurt you, all your fears come true. so yeah got to learn to laugh at myself, cause it is bloody funny. difficult, distressing and quite surreal, but ultimately i know i will look back and laugh, so why not jump the queue and do it now. ha ha ha feelb better already. a lttle self depreciating, but really in the whole scheme of things a happy time is ahead. finally, stop this bullshit that has been ruling my life and “break on through to the otherside” woohoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

well it has come to the point where i have to do this. i have to change me for me. first and foremost i must relieve myself of my many addictions. namely, drinking, smoking, drugs and gambling. to give all these things up cold turkey will be difficult, but have been slowly preparing for this day for a long time. it has come to the poit where these things are ruling my life rather than me. I must take control and choose the right path in life. have been wasting so much time and energy on all the wrong things in life which has led to mental illness. time to sharpen up and be the person i know i can be. must now focus my energy from these things into other better areas such as exercise, eating right, reconnecting with lost friends, saving money, working hard and travelling. with the ultimate goals of travelling south america at start of next year and moving to ireland. spending more time with my girlfriend and making her feel as special as she is. and stop being so selfish. day 1. so far so good.

just cant seem to bloody do it! know what to do, but bloody hell think to fast or to slow. need to relax!