I'm doing 8 things
I finally feel like I’m over this, so I really wanted to come back to this forum and share some tips about what helped me get here. I am not an expert or psychologist. I’ve never been to an AA meeting, and I never will (I don’t drink anymore, so at this point why would I?). I don’t want to sound like I think I know everything. I don’t. These thoughts are lessons I have learned from my own experience, and I am sharing them just in case they might be helpful to you.
- Know why. I made a list of reasons. Then I started drinking again. Then I made another list of reasons. Eventually I came to a list of reasons that worked for me. Your reasons will be your own. You have to own them and believe them. If you choose to quit for the sake of others, realize that you are doing so for your own sake. It is your personal decision to stop drinking, and you must believe in your own reasons.
- Keep trying. I’ve posted more than one “Day 1” entry and even deleted a few out of embarrassment. I’ve wanted to stop off-and-on for almost 8 years. If you’re anything like anyone else, it will take you a number of tries to get there. Keep trying.
- Keep track. Find a way of keeping track of your success. For me, it was a spreadsheet where I entered the last day I drank and it told me how many days it’s been. You can refer back to this on days when you’re thinking about drinking to see how far you’ve come. I would recommend setting things up so that you only update something when you drink. If you have to update your progress every day that you don’t drink, it serves as a constant reminder that you want to. You will have a much harder time getting to the point where you don’t think about drinking anymore.
- Exercise your freedom. When you’ve been drinking, you’re confined to bars and houses. You’re stuck doing activities that don’t require thought or motor skills. You are a prisoner to your own actions. Now that you’re sober, enjoy the fact that you can do other activities. Start doing the things you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have time to. Write a book. Go back to school. Hike a trail. Train for a marathon.
- Relax. For me, drinking was a way of relaxing. It was the only time that I didn’t have to think about everything else I was doing. Find other ways to relax. Block out time on your calendar where you will intentionally not get anything done. Use this time to do something you find relaxing. Take a hot bath. Go to the sauna at the gym. Sit in the back yard and stare at the dog. Just do something that gives you time to relax.
- Commit to quitting. I personally don’t feel like you have to tell everyone you’re quitting. But you do have to tell the people who will help you quit and help hold you accountable. You also need to be ready to tell people that you’re not going to drink right now. Having carefully thought out responses before you get into the situation will help you turn down the first drink. “I’m not drinking tonight, I’ve got to drive somewhere afterwards.” “I’m training for a marathon and am going to go running when I get back.” “My boss needs me to get some work done tonight for the meeting tomorrow.” I’m not suggesting that you be dishonest. I’m just suggesting that you think about your outs beforehand and create situations where you can’t drink so that you don’t feel as much pressure.
- Go off the grid for a while. Avoiding the situations and people that make you want to drink is really important. You don’t have to avoid them forever, but in the first few months you need to figure out who you really are and what kinds of things you really like to do. Going out to bars and parties and hanging out with drunks is what the drunk you enjoys doing. Don’t start doing these things again until you’ve been sober long enough to know what the sober you enjoys. Otherwise, you are denying yourself the opportunity to find out who you really are and what you really enjoy.
- Realize that quitting is not a weakness. This was a really difficult to learn but powerful lesson for me. I used to feel shame telling people I don’t drink. Telling people you don’t drink is not a sign of weakness. Drinking too much and no longer being in control of your actions IS a sign of personal weakness. Think for a while about why others would be so insistent that you drink with them. If they weren’t personally struggling with it, would they really care so much?
