D Giles

Wow, it feels so good to be rid of those bills… All the money I’ve made the past couple months have gone straight to car repairs and credit cards, and it’s done. I have taken the credit cards out of my wallet, so I wont ever be tempted…

The bummer is that as soon I got out of debt, my appendix gave out on me, and now I have 13,000 in medical bills… I don’t know what to do about that… but, I dunno… it’s a different kind of debt…

I found some nicotine patches in a suitcase, so I put one on for fun when I went to bed (for the crazy dreams)... and although I was doing it for fun, when I woke up… I just didn’t need a cigarette, and didn’t smoke for half the day. It felt pretty good, and made me miss the way I was feeling when I was quitting… The pride of doing something good for myself, and not feeling like a slave… So, Monday, I’m letting go of the habit again.

Although, I feel that the best attempt I made was going cold turkey, I think that I am going to use the patches for a while. One, I just want to have some more crazy dreams… and Two, Maybe this is a weak excuse not to give up nicotine, but if I do, my blood sugar will drop and my body will feel like hell until I figure out how to eat enough and frequently… I just don’t have time or energy for that right now. {oh, it’s so gross how much I tell myself I actually depend on cigarettes…}

Last night I had the toughest craving I’ve had yet… I thought the hardest part was over… guess not… It was the first time I actually thought about buying a pack, not just wishing I could, but actually thinking about buying one… Yesterday was also the first day cigarettes didn’t even cross my mind until the afternoon though, which is pretty awesome… [ugh, I can’t believe I used to wake up and smoke]

Evil little shit-sticks…