holleeann

I worry way too much.. over every little thing in life. The one thing i constantly worry about is being alone all my life. My relationships never seem to last over 4 months.. I don’t understand. It just worries me.. Is this how im going to end up all my life? on and off in relationships that never seem to last? worrying will i ever eventually meet a guy who truely cares about me and wants the same things that i want out of a relationship? Im only 23 but i feel i should have gotten somewhere in my life already. Im still in school and it just seems nothing ever seems to go my way. You name it and i worry about it seriously. I worry how people think of me, i worry that im never going to get the things that i want in life.. I just want to be happy for once and to feel like everything will work out for me.. But it never does. I always end up alone with a broken heart..

It was just about to hit 4 months for us when we got in an argument on the phone one morning just after me leaving from his house i called him to ask him to come over to my house that night so we could both be around my family. He has only met my parents once and i just wanted him to be around more. But the thing is when i first starting dating him he would never return my calls it would be like 3 days until i heard from him and of course i was always getting upset crying to my mom and sisters about it and he knew that my friends and family were teling me to break it off with him because i told him.. I would go over to his house when i wouldn’t hear from him and of course he would be home and i would go in there crying and upset and he would say things like i didn’t know it bothered you so much that i did call you right back. 3 times this happened and i went over tto his house and each time he said he would try hard and the last time he did, he was calling me evry day and always returning my calls up until a few days ago when we got into that argument on the phone about him comming over to be around my family. anyway this is what happened with that so we were on the phone and i said i want you to come over to my house tonight and he said no way! and i was asking him why and sying i don’t understand, but really i knew it was because he was afraid to be around them. So finaly hes said “maybe” and that he would call me after he was done at work.. Well, that call was at 10:30am when i left his place..He never called later so i called him around 8:00pm left him a message saying i can’t belive you never called me to atleast say you were coming over and i alson said i guess im going to have to deal with the fact that you don’t want to be around my family. He never called back that night. The next day was a sunday and i din’t call him cause i was hoping he would call but never did. Monday i still didn’t hear from him so i caled around 1:30pm he dind’t pick up so i left another message it wasn’t anything mean just that i was done work and seeing what he was up to and to call back but he never did. Tuesday i called cause i stil didn’t hear from him and i said i wanted my cell phone back it was an old phone that i had and he needed a new one so i gave it to him.. he never returned my cal then either.. so i went over there that night and he wasn’t home and his parents were around and they said he was out and that they would let him know i stopped over.. well i went back over that same night around 12:30am and his door was looked this time and he never ever locks his door cause i just usually go in but he must have known that i would stop back over so he locked it.so wednesday i went back during the day around 3:30pm i knocked twice and the door just open so i went in and saw him sleeping on the couch which i don’t know how he could still be sleeping with me banging at the door and my high heels clunking on his wood floors, but anyway the phone was right there next to him so i took his sim card out out it back next to him and left with the phone.. So i don’t know if he was really sleeping or not but it was so hard for me to just walk away like that and not saying anything i wanted to go back in there so bad and want things to be right again like it used to be.. its been a day after it happened and i have been praying he will still call that he will realize that he realy does miss me.. I just didn’t understand what i did wrong to have him not call me anymore.. I know it was only 4 months for us but i realy liked this guy he was everything to me and i thought thats how he felt for me.. I still have been wanting to go back over and just try to talk to him but ever one says know that i will only hurt more if i do that.. but it what i really want to do a part of me thinks if i do go back over there to talk to him that maybe i could make everything alright.. I don’t know what to do i need some advise from anyone on this situation. do go back over? was he even worth it if he dind’t want to be around my family or wasn’t returning my calls? im confused!! he really was a nice sweet guy. and only you the person that was with him knows how they really are because your the one alone with them and he was always a kind guy and did some sweet things for me.. so someonne please help me on this im going crazy i can’t eat or sleep i don’t want to go out. i just miss him soo much my heart is totally broken.