I’m sorry I missed it. <3
“I cannot tell you how happy I am to have taken up drawing again. I’ve been thinking of it, but I always considered the thing impossible and beyond my reach.”
My worst day was last Thursday, when I’d had very little sleep. I’m also not happy about Summer seeming to mostly slip away, and I’m dreading both the Autumn and Winter. I don’t like time moving so fast; it seems like it wasn’t that long ago that it was March, and then my birthday, my dad’s birthday, mother’s day, and so on.
I’ve had my more peaceful moments, too – even last thursday night, when I woke up feeling hungover from all of the crying that morning. I gave up on the idea of accomplishing anything that night, showered, washed my hair, and settled in to watch Damages, Game of Thrones_ and something else.
Saturday night, I sat outside alternately watching for any meteors, and reading, and then we went to a late showing of Harry Potter at the drive-in (I don’t recommend that – the movie was good, but the screen was too dark, and we were way in the back because of our van. It was nice being there with my family, though, stretched out in the back of the van, in the fresh air. I fell asleep around 6am, woke up two hours later, feeling happy and totally in love with my family and my life. I always love my family, but I wish that I could hold onto that feeling of utter happiness and contentment.
I’ve had no exercise, unless pacing around the garden at midnight counts. I’ve made two green smoothies, but barely drank them – I think I need to work up to the three cups of greens – I drank it early last year, but I’m not managing it this year.
Yesterday, I was mostly fine until mid-morning, when the food i my stomach decided that it didn’t want to remain there, and then I developed a migraine. I crawled into bed, wrote something in a journal, and fell asleep around 2pm. I got up around 1am (after waking up at 10pm, and swearing, because I hadn’t intended to sleep that long- only to nap).
Including two on art therapy. I seriously don’t understand this block, especially since I used to be drawing all the time.
From The Soul’s Palette
“Elizabeth Grand Layton is an inspiring example of someone whose life was changed through the experience of art as an awakener. Layton began to draw during her old age, without any previous training or experience, to help herself overcome thirty years of manic-depressive illness. According to Layton, electroshock treatments, lithium, and psychotherapy had failed to being any lasting relief from her mental illness. Following the death of her son in 1976 when she was sixty-seven, Layton enrolled in a drawing class in a nearby college at her sister’s suggestion. The only class available at that time was one in contour drawing – a technique in which one makes a line drawing of an object without looking at the paper on which one is drawing.
Layton’s instructor told her that if she had no other subject in mind to draw, she could simply draw herself. She took this advice and began creating a series of contour drawings that depicted every wrinkle, age spot, and aspect of her elderly body. But while completing these drawings, other ideas emerged in her work: concerns about society’s treatment of the elderly, her own struggles with aging, and her experience with depression, grief and loss. She began to feel her mood change, and her symptoms disappeared.
Layton never sold any of her more than one-thousand drawings, fearing that the magic of the process would disappear, although she did give many of them to family, friends and charity. Her work demonstrates that creativity is important throughout the life span and that feelings need to be expressed, whether through art or by other means, in order to be resolved. Through creative expression and imagination we naturally find ourselves developing new stories for life experiences and discover that we are awakened to something beyond pain, suffering and illness.”
Sent good thoughts, or mentioned foods that might help my cousin re: safe weight gain. She’s unable to keep anything down – even water – so she’s seriously thinking about having a feeding tube put in. She’s also been taking both marijuana, and opium in some form (?) for the pain.
and have my mother on board, but nobody else – so far. I bought the above book, a few weeks ago, along with a couple of journals.
Is there an August goal?
is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cYsFO1JKo0&feature=related ~ I don’t know how long they will be able to leave it up, though.
I still haven’t finished the book, and am wondering how last month went so quickly. I read the book for two-and-a-half hours in the bath, last week, though, and ended up starting to watch the TV show after all…
“One of the words that gets bandied around and misused a lot in dating and relationships is ‘needy’.
“The reason why my relationships haven’t worked out is because I must be needy.“
“I scare people off because I think I’m too needy.”
“I would have been a better person in the relationship or we would have had a better one if you hadn’t been so needy.”
“I’ve been unavailable/unwilling to commit/disappearing/hurting you because you’re _needy_“.
Some people will believe they’re being needy for having basic needs or just any needs because they may have been raised to believe that theirs don’t matter or that other people’s needs are more important.
Some people will believe you’re needy for having expectations for mutual love, care, trust, and respect. They have relationships on their terms hence anything above and beyond that is ‘too much’.”
and listed the blog in my profile. :) I’m sorry I haven’t been around – I’ve been watching movies (at the moment: Julie and Julia, because it inspired me in December 2009).
“Thirty was a big deal for me. It was the age where I reevaluated everything – how I approached life and how I thought about myself. When I look at my 20s, or when I look at any period in my life, I think about how much time I’ve wasted trying to find the right man. It’s like, if I could go back and do it again, I would have taken guitar lessons or something. I would have put my energy into something that paid off in the end, instead of trying to improve myself for men. Oh, the time and the energy, trying to impress somebody who was actually a big jerk, you know? But the truth is, once you have a great man in your life, it allows you – or at least for me – to look at yourself and grow as an individual. And gosh, if I had known I was going to find this, my 20s would have been completely different.”
But I’ve enjoyed a couple of videos here:
Kendry’s video is one that’s still running as I type: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-7×1PjcLQc&feature=channel_video_title ~ it reminded me of some people making digital vision boards, something I might try, now that I now have some idea of how to use the software on my computer.
But I’m getting temporary reprieves for a while, every day/night. I finally lightened up for a little while last night – just a little while – and felt disgusted with myself because it was such a beautiful day/evening, and I hate the way I’ve been feeling. today, I sobbed in the shower – actually laying in the bath, underneath the shower, not knowing how much liquid was coming from me or the shower. That’s embarrassing to admit, but I’ve had flower essences in tea, and might be coming into the reprieve for this evening.
I really resent how much time I’ve lost to all of this, and energy. It seems I have something hormonal going on, which I don’t want to get into right now.. on Wednesday, I bought a couple of things in regards to another goal here, though. I had a good time the other evening.
Around this time last year, I was at Borders, on a beautiful Saturday evening; I hated to go inside, it was so lovely. That night, I stumbled across the book The Daily Coyote and felt inspired (I wish that had lasted). I came home, ordered the book through the library, and started a new account here (that has since been deleted), with three goals.
The freedom to come and go, as you please…
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
“I was talking to someone recently about blogging and it became apparent that they just didn’t get it – they thought it was rather self-indulgent, as if to say why would anyone be interested in reading your diary on-line? Isn’t it a bit me me me? And i replied that yes, of course it is, but you’re missing the point. The blogging that I like, and the reason I still do it, is the sort that creates communities. We don’t blog in isolation – reading others’ blogs is as important as posting a few hundred words on the internet. There are some blogs I have been reading for over two years now, and it’s like reading the most fabulous never-ending book, one that you can interact with, and if you are lucky you can befriend the author too. Blogging is about sharing experiences, whether it’s culinary knowledge or interior design tips or potty-training a toddler or sharing the pain of grief. We learn from each other, and I realise that no one particularly cares about what i had for lunch today, but I hope that some of what I share here has maybe helped a soul out there, just as others have helped and inspired me too.
Don’t you find that non-bloggers can really get your back up when they try to poo-poo the whole thing? Moving along…”