iamabug

...where I remember to breath and eat slower, but it isn’t very often. I need to find a way to remind myself to make it easier.

I’ve had moments where the words just won’t come and I start to feel defeated, but I always get back on track. I am still working on my long summary. My boyfriend has joined the project now, so collaboration will be a big help. I have good feelings about this project.

It has been a few weeks since I have had a huge jealousy attack. There are still those moments where I get caught up in it for a little while, but with the help of my boyfriend and the work I have been doing it hasn’t been too bad.

I have been super good the past few days. Hugs here, kisses there and I haven’t been starting silly arguments. He has been a little restless, but I haven’t held it against him.

I am going to keep away from pop for a week and try to drink at least three glasses a day, including green tea.

Updates to follow…

Every waking moment is a thought. I am more aware of it today and have been trying to concentrate on what is going on around me. It is so hard to do this though when I am at home, because there is so much available to stimulate me and keep me from buying into the whole boredom idea. Need to put a little more focus on this goal.

Well I believe that this goal is complete, well for the time being. I have been honestly sitting up very straight and walking straight for weeks. I find myself remembering to straighten up in my chair and while I am walking.

Very happy – GOAL COMPLETE!!!

I have been trying to express my individuality lately through my choice of clothes. I put together the cutest outfit this weekend and I went out on the town. I found myself questioning my choice of colored panty hose and if whether the girl that just walked by thought I was weird.

I have a lot of work to do…

I made a schedule listing the days I will call my friends. I started using it this weekend. I had two friends on my list to call and only got to one due to a busy schedule. Even though I didn’t call both, it was nice to have a list ready to make adjustments to.

I have been buying so much lately. My main focus has been a new summer waredrobe. Every time I buy something new, I feel empty. In my head I envision myself with all these new clothes running about in the summer sunshine, but as I daydream I am not living in the season that is happening now – Spring. I feel like I am just existing in this materialistic world that tells you to buy stuff to be happy. I know my summer can be happy and fun without these things. If only I learned to live I wouldn’t have to buy silly things in order to exist.

Does this sound right, or am I off?

I have been trying to be happy, but my mood and attitude changes so often – it is hard to be consistent. But then I ask myself if maybe I am just not paying enough attention. That just maybe I am happy most of the time and I am just not seeing it. I really think what it comes down to is that I am not really feeling it. Happiness should be easily identifiable and a feeling I should remember.

I am just confused right now, and second guessing myself. I do remember though being very happy this weekend. I don’t recall anything that really disrupted my attitude and I had a lot of fun.

I have found while working on this goal, I have to be postive about my life and goals in order to be able to live in every moment. I was working with my supervisor at work and found my mind wondering. Once I acknowledged it, I started to pace my breathing, and it cleared my mind.

...to help me with writing my screenplay. Doing well! :)

I have found that when I get all crazy with jealousy I waist so much time. I get depressed, tired and I suffer terrible headaches. I question myself all the time and I don’t enjoy what is going on around me. I have been doing well the past few weeks, but I wanted to remind myself why I hate being jealous.

I have been giving myself time to eat breakfast and to get ready without rushing. I feel much better when I at least wake up a couple hours before I have to get ready for work.

Yeah so my job’s H.R. department is really bad. They never get back to me and it has been weeks since I called them about the dentist. I think I am just going to make the appointment and be done with it, because this is too important to wait anymore.

I write it out on paper everyday so that I can have it with me and than I type it out on here for whatever reason. I think writing it out once is enough, so I am going to just check in once in awhile to mark my progress.

I haven’t wrote a list lately and I really don’t care. I am not going to get rid of this goal though, because I know I will pick it up again sometime soon. I just don’t feel the desire to do it right now.

Can’t say the same for my boyfriend, but it feels really good to not make him feel guilty when he slips. We have a great partnership when it comes down to it. It is very nice.

I was drinking like three glasses a day last week and now I have replaced it with pop. I think I am addicted to Dr. Pepper.

Ok so I admit it, I really am not that excited about this book. It is so hard to sit down and read it. I just want to finish it for whatever reason. Uggh!