illkillumen

When I got married, I was on autopilot and just figured we’d have kids soon enough. Two stressful married years later and it just dawned on me at 29 that I probably didn’t want kids at all! I love my husband, but he’s also married to his job as a scientist and I feel I’m always competing for his attention. Why would I want to add a third competitor to the mix? In addition, I have always craved adult companionship and adult attention, even when I was a kid. I keep waiting for that moment everybody speaks of when, “I’ll simply change my mind” but I don’t see a logical way of that unfolding. If I wanted something cute, I’d get a kitten. And frankly I wish this wasn’t such an issue to me—now that I’m an adult, I want to enjoy it rather than angst about whether I should delve back into the world of children and childhood.

How do you break a 22 year habit??? It drives my husband crazy and I’m so compelled to bring my hand to my face and feel for bumps or spots of any kind. If I could stop doing this for even a month I’ll share the secret…

I went to see Paul Simon at his Capeman BAM concert. He was only on stage for maybe 15 minutes tops (the rest was done by an ensemble) and it was still worth it. When he plays, his music is so…true to form. He could sing his Graceland album today and it would sound exactly like it did in 1986. Amazing. Can’t wait to get to another show!