indigostrings

We had a long period of bad times. But I have not been this happy in months.

The whole relationship, I was moving much faster than him. It took him almost a year to love me, and at 1.5 years together he’s not ready to talk about marriage. Given that we had such an awful winter together, I am letting this go for a while.

We are both in our mid-thirties. I don’t have the time or drive to wait forever to see if someone wants me permanently. I know in 6-8 months I will be ready to walk if we are not progressing.

I am so happy now. He’s so wonderful and I love him!

Indoor worm composting is awesome!

My son and I got a 14 gallon bin and drilled holes in it. I bought a pound of worms and we contributed about 10 lbs of garbage for them to start.

I would NOT recommend throwing so much in right away. We got terrible odors after a week. The worst. It was because I overloaded it too soon. The garbage began to rot before the worms had a chance to eat it.

But now the worms are reproducing, the odor is much less, though not gone. I don’t add much, maybe 2 lbs of garbage a week tops. there’s still lots of undigested stuff in there.

A TON of progress was undone when my son’s father decided to sue me for custody. I maxed out most of my credit cards paying for my attorney.

Of course, I was also a student and had no disposable income for 10 months.

But, I am working an excellent job making more than I ever have been. My debt is higher, but so is my income. Everything is locked into low interest rates.

I found out the other day that my credit score is 745! WHAT??? And I was considering bankruptcy??? lol

Wow, I piled 6100 on my cards in 11 months? Good lord. I can’t believe it was once all down to 3400. I can get back to that though. It’s been done before so there’s a way :)

Haha… just kidding! Sort of…

True, I lost 19 lbs within a month of getting hit with a child custody trial that I was not emotionally or financially prepared for (is anyone really prepared for something like that?) but I gained 10 lbs back, thank God. People were starting to worry about me because I was getting too thin.

I am under 140 but I realize that 135 is my ideal weight. I am 139 now. Sounds dumb to worry about 4 lbs, but I carry my weight around my hips and it just looks funny with a tiny upper body. My ass is and has always been much larger than the rest of my frame, but that’s ok. When my ass starts to grow sideways, that’s when I know it’s time to check the scale.

Discover 800

Chase 1 1700

Chase 2 900

March 21, the first day of Spring, exactly 4.5 months after our first date, I told him I am in love with him.

He didn’t have a reaction. He just sat still for a long time. We were both really quiet. Then I said “you probably already knew that” and he said “yes”.

I said it while he was really depressed and crying about how stressed out and unhappy he is, so I wasn’t expecting him to come back and say it to me. He also said he can’t get intimate with anyone while he feels that way.

Perhaps I felt more “safe” because I knew he wouldn’t say it back because of his state of mind.

I won’t stay in a relationship indefinitely without these feelings being reciprocated. If he doesn’t feel the same in a few months, I will move on with my head held high.

Good news is that he didn’t seem scared. He didn’t push me away. Still, I feel a little vulnerable and I broke the ‘rules”. I am a little mad at myself, but also I am happy that I was authentic with my feelings, and I was 100% sure about them. Plus I was really really sick of holding it in.

I made a necklace for my friend Melanie on her birthday

And I have a cute necklace I made with an Ecuador charm on it.

And for Valentine’s Day I gave my boyfriend a little charm thing attached to the card.

I WISH WISH WISH I could have paid more from my income tax check! I paid about 800 toward credit cards.

I have to spend a ton of money for an attorney, so that’s where most of my income tax check went. My son’s dad wants to keep me from moving 40 miles away to be with family. ARGH!

I really can’t afford to, but I feel bad that I’ve been missing payments since my son’s dad and I split up. I will owe him 2500 now.

All I can say is WOW!!!

:)

Then I will owe him 3,000.

Going back to school, it will take forever to pay him back :(

I did 30 minutes on the bike, did lots of heavy squats and abs. I started at 9:45 and went til 10:30.

I’m going to Florida with my boyfriend in 10 days and I want to look good!

I would have to do clitoral stimulation. My G spot requires some pressure to “feel good” and intercourse doesn’t hit the spot well. I don’t know how some women can do this and others can’t!

New number!

My balance went up a tiny bit, because I bought health insurance and had to charge 3 months’ worth of payments.

My income tax refund will be $2100.

But then I’m going back to school… let’s PRAY I don’t have to use credit cards! That would destroy all the progress! I won’t qualify for federal loans, so private loans will have to do.

Argh, nerves!

you make me feel brand new – simply red
landslide – fleetwood mac
nightshift – commodores
vivir sin aire – mana
algunas veces – female cover
suenos rotos – la quinta estacion

Play me – Neil Diamond
I don’t wanna talk about it – Rod Steward
Too much heaven – Bee Gees
My heart can’t tell you no – Rod Stewart
sail away – David Gray
Dust in the wind – Kansas
we’re all alone – rita coolidge
coming around again – carly simon
every time you go away – paul young
how can I get you alone – heart
i’m losing you – extreme
all by myself – eric carmen

I have a big week at work coming up. I’ll probably bring in 400 dollars on Black Friday and the weekend after. Maybe I can bring it down some more.

I would love to lose just 3-5 more lbs. I look good in tight clothing, but I have a bulge in the middle and along my ass that I would love to donate.

Going vegan did most of the work. If I can squeeze an hour or two of cardio every week I’m sure it will be GONE.

Kind of sucks, but I have to suspend payments to him for a while.

He’s sooooo wonderful. I love my Dad. He keeps telling me not to worry about it, but of course I HAVE to pay him back :)

I met someone new. He’s amazing. It’s only been 8 days since we met, but I hope he’s the one!