infinite__abyss

I noticed a day seems to go by pretty quickly for me, making it hard for me to get things done. So I sat down and decided to make a list that breaks down my day, to see where all my time has gone.

People say the early bird catches the worm; the bird that wakes up at 12 in the afternoon probably catches diddly squat. So.. first order of business, aim to wake up at 9am instead of 12pm.

Going out with friends is something that I’ll need to cut down. Usually the case with me is that my friends would be free but I’ll have things to do. Then they’d invite me to go out, and I’d tell myself that I can just finish my errands later. More often than not the errand never gets completed.

I also spend hours of my time watching television, so that’s definitely a habit that’s got to go. It doesn’t help that I have satellite tv either :’(

ahh yes, and the internet. The most time consuming distraction of them all. I’ve realized, after numerous attempts, that I’m probably never going to quit AIM so it’s hopeless to try. But I WILL try to cut down the time I spend on it, along with other equally addictive social networking websites

I’d say this is a good first step, I’ll try this for a week and see where it takes me :)

I don’t live in a life where everything is simply handed to me. Even when it comes to personal characteristics, I must work twice as hard to understand something that others may figure out at the last minute. I’m thankful that at the least, I am hardworking. Based on my abilities, I thought I had found my passion. But as I later found out the hard way, my passion did not want me.

I thought that my hard work would be enough. But in this competitive world, hard work is only half the battle.

Okay, I’ll stop beating around the bush. I had the foolish dream of wanting to become a doctor—along with thousands of other naive college students I’m sure.

However, after experiencing a year of college, my hopes and dreams came crashing down on me. Exam after exam, I continue to perform below par. I could only watch as my endless hours of studying went down the drain because in the end the results were fruitless.

It wasn’t like I could talk to anyone about it. My parents would never understand. They view failure as a weakness on my part. So I’ve had to lie to convince them that everything was fine. I couldn’t completely confide in my friends either because it was so utterly embarrassing. So I would continued to pick myself up from my failures, only to return to that all too familiar place. Every time I failed, I felt another piece of myself die. By the end, I had felt so numb to the world around me that it took me a while to realize what had happened to me.

I had lost my passion. So I guess it’s back to square one.