inversedawn

Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t feel loved anymore. I don’t feel like we are close anymore. Maybe we never were. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about all day every day. And there is nothing I can do about it. We can’t even talk about anything. If we can’t talk and work on things, is there even any hope at all for this to work? I feel like ruined this whole relationship and there is nothing I can do to change that. We don’t trust each other, we don’t talk. What do we have left? We are just two strangers living in the same life.

We got in a huge fight this morning for no reason. I threw flip flops at you and you threw one at me when I was going down the stairs and I flipped out. I came back up and hit you with the flipflop and you pinned me on the bed and hit me in the face and I kicked you off of me and you grabbed my foot and pulled me off the bed. My hip is killing me from where I landed on it. Then I was crying on the floor and you came back and flipped me over and I crawled into the bathroom.

I locked you on the back porch.

I’m sorry I lost it like that. I shouldn’t let you get under my skin the way you do. I don’t know why but when you say something mean to me it hurts a million billion trillion times worse than when anyone else says something mean to me. And you do it in the morning because you know I am vulnerable. I am so tired of fighting with you. And I’m so sick of you threatening to leave. If you don’t want to be with me just leave already and stop stringing me along and toying with my emotions. All you are doing is breaking my heart slowly and letting it heal some and then breaking it some more but never completely. If we keep going in this cycle… I don’t know… I just can’t take it. And I certainly won’t be able to take it if you leave me. But the sooner you make that choice, the better. Because every day I get more and more and more attached and it will be harder and harder to let go. And if you don’t leave, this violence has to stop. Both of us. There is never any reason for either of us to put our hands on each other in anger. Especially near the staircase. Someone could get paralyzed or die. That was what really threw me over the edge this morning.

All of the sudden you want to work at RadioShack. Which is where our new female neighbor works.

I texted you. No answer.

I texted you again. No answer.

11:30. I called you to tell you I love you and your pissed cuz I called and “woke you up” but you don’t sound sleepy at all and you just rush me off the phone and hang up on me when I tell you to call me later when you wake up.