iwannagetfree




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throw away or donate one unused thing every day. (read all 2 entries…)
every week i am making a trip to the donation drop off

been doing this for 2 weeks. sunday will be a big drop off day. i have a mountain of about 8 boxes of stuff to donate. i am going to blaze through that pile in the metal building.



create and manage a paper filing system that I can keep up with.
o.k. 1,2,3....

so far i’ve got a metal file cabinet, a file drawer and an expanding file. have gone through throngs of stuff that i recycled, shredded and made files for.
next step is to consolidate the expanding file into the big file cabinet and drawer.
i think i should designate the drawer for stuff that i will need to file regularly.
i guess i need to back up the computer files on discs too…



stop allowing negative people to bring me down.
putting up my light of protection

i have to stop allowing so much pain and stress into my day. most of the time i am completely aware that i am giving away my power when i allow negativity to affect me the way it does. it’s really hard to figure out what goes on with some people. i think it all started when i was sick. i didn’t chat anyone up or get really close to them because i didn’t want to make anyone sick. that turned into drama for someone i thought was more in tune with me. she ends up calling me to tell me that i have hurt her feelings and feel as though something has changed. it makes me wonder what else she thinks. thinking that you know what someone is feeling is dangerous and counterproductive. it is assuming and frankly to over react about something that you don’t even have right is rude. i don’t understand the whole pushing away thing. if you don’t want to hang out that’s fine. we don’t have to check in with eachother.I won’t bother you anymore. you don’t have to make up weird shit that doesn’t even really exist. you really don’t get it.



work on tolerance and acceptance, real acceptance. (read all 2 entries…)
jan 2010

this one i think i will be taking to my grave. i think i understand my moms need to be alone for long periods of time. i don’t feel the need to push my agenda on anyone else. if someone doesn’t want to do what i want to do thats perfectly o.k. i don’t hold it against them. having teenage kids teaches you to learn to do things on your own and not get hung up worrying that you are being brushed off just because they don’t want to do what you want to. i feel annoyed when i have planned some solitude and think i am going to get it and i am barged in on. i only get a little time to do what i want with and damn it if i don’t get that little bit it pisses me off. i know that life is long and it is really good to be with others and we only have each other for a short time, but come on….spending time with your father in law should be like fine chocolate and really good liquor….you only need a little bit…and a little bit makes it so much better.



plan ahead in order to save money
want to kick myself

I really need to work on this one. I blew it in many ways because I waited until the last minute to shop for christmas. O.k. this year I plan to be thoughtful about what I will give the children at christmastime. I will begin to collect their presents early so that I can avoid the last minute freak out and just buy it because it’s too late to wait.



slow down
slow down you move too fast...you gotta make this moment last

i seriously feel as though life is swooshing by me like i am skiing through it. i just want to stay home and play with my kittens and drink tea and light some incense and read. geez….it sounds so good. today i feel as though there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything in. i think back to when i was younger and my kids were too and days seemed to go on forever. when i reached my mid thirties i think is when it all started getting so sped up. my phone is constantly ringing…and sometimes i actually ditch it in the car for a little break. but then there is hell to pay when you get the string of voicemails and text messages wondering where i was and why i didn’t pick up. i constantly feel like i am playing a gameshow and the time is ticking by me…especially late at night when i know i need to get to bed but theres just one more thing i need to do….



throw away or donate one unused thing every day. (read all 2 entries…)
Untitled

I am seriously lagging on this one, and it really would be benificial to me and my family. Getting off the computer and going to throw away something.



work on tolerance and acceptance, real acceptance. (read all 2 entries…)
tolerance

when I am trying to be tolerant it is like holding my breath until the stinky odor dissipates. That is not true tolerance or acceptance. What I need to be able to do is to be present with the reason that I am feeling so intolerant and talk myself through those negative feelings. I need to address what my problem is… why I have such a knee jerk reaction and feel the need to control the situation.



take naps when I am tired instead of drinking caffeine
respecting and loving myself

I think that sleep is really overlooked when you are trying to figure out why you don’t feel good. I need to respect my body and give to it what it needs to carry me into different activities in my life.



wake up every morning excited for the day ahead.
on the verge of tears today...

I can’t put my finger on why I feel so melancholy. The summer has gone by so quickly and I am feeling overwhelmed by the speed of time. Stopping to smell the roses just doesn’t seem to be a priority anymore. An overwhelming and heavy feeling of guilt for doing so little is the reason for my sadness. I think I am actually feeling depressed,and have never really given myself the chance to completely feel that. I’ve always had children whose needs were more important than me feeling sad. Now they are older, practically adults and they are on to their own lives and priorities. This morning when I woke up I was trying to figure out how to get out of a two hour drive and an all day visit that I just didn’t want to be a part of. Then, when I was able to free myself of this engagement I felt guilt. I know that all I need to do is to put one foot in front of the other and this feeling will pass.



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