jaded

Today is my university grad ceremony and I’m SO nervous! I don’t even know why…I’m not usually nervous about things like this. But the idea of walking across that stage is nervewracking for me. lol. The funny thing is, I have been thinking about it and I think I’m more nervous about my own family there watching me then about other people. I don’t think anyone pays attention to anyone’s kid but their own, at least when the ceremony is this big (there are quite a few graduates in this ceremony as far as I know). But I’m scared I’ll trip or slip or my shoe will come off or my cap will fall off and/or I’ll look stupid…LOL, with my luck all of the above will happen ;) J/K…kind of. lol.

Anyway, I’d be happy bailing on the ceremony altogether but I know my parents would be disappointed – they said so themselves – so alas I am going. I didn’t go to my high school grad (although not for these reasons, it was a commencement in October and it was a hectic time of year at school) and they were pretty disappointed.

So, alas I will go to this one. Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)

Before I left my apartment and moved back to my parents’ house for the summer (I go to school a few hours from home) I did a massive cleanup. I cleaned EVERYTHING…got rid of all the junk that has accumulated over the last few years, shredded all the papers and bills I don’t need, and organized everything. It felt great. There is something very cathartic about doing a complete cleanup. lol. There was stuff I found where I didn’t even know what it was… I figured if I don’t even know what it is or haven’t looked at it in the last 2 years I probably don’t need it and threw it out. I went up to my apartment for a night yesterday (got back today) and it was so nice to go back to a nice, clean apartment. I love that feeling.

Today I cleaned out my room at my parents’ house. I’d been meaning to for the past few weeks. My room here was disgusting…it was messy and full of junk, half of which wasn’t even mine. Stuff kind of just accumulated over the last few years since I wasn’t living in the room full-time and it kinda became a storage room, lol. Also, my sisters and I have switched rooms over the years so I had a whole bunch of their stuff in there as well. It was such a good feeling to clean, lol. Tomorrow I’m doing a ton of laundry and then tackling the closet. I’m going to clear it all out and pack up all of the clothes that doesn’t fit or that I don’t wear anymore and donate them.

My parents and youngest sister were shocked when they saw how clean my room was – and so quickly, my dad thought it’d take a few days to clean it out, lol – and I’m sure my other sister will be surprised when she sees it too.

I really need to keep it clean… I find that when my room/apartment is too cluttered it makes me a bit anxious.

I’ve realized that while I can function just fine on not very much sleep, I really need at least 8 hours to really feel good. When I don’t get enough sleep I feel terrible, plus I’m cranky and irritable and just a generally unpleasant person to be around, which isn’t good now that I’m living at my parents’ house for the summer and always around people (especially since it’s easy to be whiny and cranky with family since we’re so comfortable with them).

5 or 6 hours here and there is fine and I can function on even less than that, but when it is a regular thing I feel terrible.