Four years ago I lost my Mother and my Father 5 days apart. And 3 months later lost my baby. My mother had been sick for many years and in great pain on a daily basis.
She was 59, blind, deaf, heart patient, dialysis patient and lost her ring finger due to a spoiled operation. Her wedding ring finger and it completely devastated her.
Her death was a blessing, to remove the pain from HER, not me. Because as selfish as we are we never want to lose anyone close and dear to us. But I knew she would die.
My entire life I always told Mom how much I loved her. In the years I watched her slowly die I never neglected to hold her and tell her what a wonderful Mother she was. I would put her make-up on her and tell her how beautiful she was. I would polish her nails in pink. And do her hair before each Doctor’s visit.
I lived with Mom and my Father for the last 7 years of their lives and Mom being sick was all we thought about.
So when Dad had a massive heart attack we were all shocked to the core. Dad was in the hospital for 30 days awaiting his strenth to return so he could have a heart by-pass. I visted him EVERY night of those 30 days after I got off work.
Me and Dad had grown closer during these last few years and I had told him many things about myself and often said “I love you”. But the relationship was strained non the less over weird stuff. Mom’s medication being a major one.
We argued, he slapped me, I was 40 years old. I ran to my room and cried like I was 10, for hours. We never made up over this, it was to be our last conflict.
My parents familied some 12 children. And I say “familied” because in the course of their life they had 12 children but lost two at birth, one at 6 weeks after birth and one still born at full term.
Hard life and ignorance over-took Mom’s health and I guess the same could be said for my Dad.
A couple of months before all this Dad had asked me if I could drive him to the store? It was odd of him, but I said OK. On the drive to the store Dad said “I know you are a relegious woman so can you tell me something about God?” It hit me hard! and I thought he was gonna tell me he was sick or something.
I said sure, asked me anything. But he said ” I was in the war, and I did some awful things, I saw children killed and a tank run over a baby in the road and I killed people, do you think I will go to heaven?”
Well I was stunned to say the least but I answered the best I could. “WEll WAR is OK in the eyes of God and we have the right to defend all people and even in the Bible it says that “we shall rise up against our enimies and defeat them” so YES, I think that heaven will take you because WAR is not murder.” He said ‘well I don’t want to go to hell, and I haven’t ever believed in God, but I guess I should.”
But in the hospital he could barely speak and his words were hard to understand at first. He asked about Mom every day.
In the mean time Mom had a major stroke and was in the same hospital 2 rooms away in ICU.
She was transported to another hospital 30 miles away after she became brain dead. She was there a few days when the doctors said that she would not survive. I held her hand and told her to just GO. After speaking with a family counselor and being advised to give MOM “permission” to go? I talked to Mom and said that we would be just fine, and that she shouldn’t hang on for US. I went home and never went to the hospital again.
Having so many brothers and sisters we took a vote on rather to tell Dad about Mom? I was the only one to say to not tell him. While the rest of “kids” said such things as “he has a right to know?” I said that I wanted NO part in losing both parents. And we could still have our father if they would just wait until after he had his surgery.
Mom died on October 10, she was buried October 13, 4 days after Dad’s birthday and two days after mine.
I went to see my Dad on the 13th of October. He said he knew that Mom was gone because he just felt empty and the kids told him. I asked how he felt? He said that “I knew something was wrong, I am not going home without her” he asked to see his doctor. He refused all treatment and demanded for his breathing tube to be removed.
I regret not going to the hospital to see my Dad after Mom died. I feel that he needed me or someone to talk to.
My Dad did get saved one day before he died.
My regret is in that I should have gone to see him again after Mom died. I think that he should have gotten some words from me.
My focus was on my mother. And I never thought about Dad at all. While I miss my Mom with all my heart? I am glad she died. I am glad she is not suffering anymore.
But Dad? I should have told him how much I love and respect him before he was on his death bed. I should have told him that he was a great Dad. I wish I would have told him that I loved the bike he gave me for christmas when I was 7 and the puppy he gave me. I wish I had told him that he was my example of a MAN.
I have regreted so much. I had the situation of death’s bed and thought that surely Ican’t lose Mom, da and a child all within 3 months of each other.
I have learned to take life as it comes…......
I have since had a beautiful baby in all this sadness. And my only regret is that my parents are not here to see her.
So tell those people in your life how much thsy mean to you.
As the song say….........if only I had know, this would be the last dance…..
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