I feel I am finally improving, but I had a big setback – evaluation at work on top of exam marking to do even though I am still marking coursework,and i really couldn’t cope last night. I didn’t argue with my husband, I took myself off to bed early and he went out. This morning, I told him that I was in a slump, and he responded in the way he often does, ‘you aren’t making sense, go to work”. Before we got to my office, he had started an argument about His Fortieth Birthday (caps deliberate) and my lack of interest in planning His Celebration(caps deliberate, again). Now, I am decidedly low maintenance, and so long as my sisters remember to call me on my birthday, I am fine, but my husband has already had a huge joint 40th birthday party with a group of friends in January. Meanwhile, our son’s 12th birthday went largely uncelebrated, and he didn’t even take our son to buy me a card for Mother’s Day. I have so much on my plate right now, and I am so turned off by what feels like his sense of entitlement that I have no desire to do anything for him (I did NOT say this to him. He was already talking so loudly I had to hold the phone away from my ear, and that would have made it worse. If it could be worse). He just told me he wants me to do nothing, because if he hadn’t mentioned it, he doesn’t think I would have planned anything
he’s right and he feels like an afterthought, and he does this for people all the time (meaning me – he planned a surprise party for me last november, and he hasn’t let me forget it) but nobody ever does anything for him (who gets up at 5 am to get him coffee and make his breakfast, and comes home from a very demanding job every freakin evening to cook his dinner? I do!) and he feel as though he is not appreciated.
I wish I wasn’t married. I would only have my own crap to deal with right now, not his as well.
I am worried that I might lose my job in a week, and this is what my husband feels I should be focusing my energy on. I don’t get it. I really really don’t.