jameslamericaine




I'm doing 34 things
 

jameslamericaine's Life List

  1. 1. Travel to India
    431 people
  2. 2. be financially stable
    1 entry
    167 people
  3. 3. to have a real relationship with someone
    1 person
  4. 4. become an art therapist
    36 people
  5. 5. find a lover
    1 entry
    98 people
  6. 6. find out if i have a chance with Sam
    1 entry
    1 person
  7. 7. Find something to live for
    1 person
  8. 8. find a new outdoor hobby i can do by myself
    1 person
  9. 9. Walk on the Great Wall of China
    201 people
  10. 10. be more confident
    8,219 people
  11. 11. overcome fear
    41 people
  12. 12. Go on a road trip
    2,790 people
  13. 13. Grow a plant
    56 people
  14. 14. find my other half
    42 people
  15. 15. be a better person
    3,095 people
  16. 16. Finish My College Education
    20 people
  17. 17. learn more
    277 people
  18. 18. paint something on my walls
    1 person
  19. 19. sleep less
    537 people
  20. 20. go to amsterdam
    464 people
  21. 21. complain less
    802 people
  22. 22. live simply
    2,976 people
  23. 23. live on an island
    148 people
  24. 24. Have a baby
    4,526 people
  25. 25. work because I like to, not because I have to
    3,154 people
  26. 26. develop my own style
    204 people
  27. 27. see the northern lights
    14,153 people
  28. 28. Never stop learning
    3,597 people
  29. 29. Send a message in a bottle
    3,041 people
  30. 30. love and be loved
    2,460 people
  31. 31. Join the Peace Corps
    2,031 people
  32. 32. go camping
    2,055 people
  33. 33. live in the moment
    1,622 people
  34. 34. go to Africa
    1,272 people
Recent entries
find out if i have a chance with Sam
Mr. Sam 4 months ago

He has a girlfriend. They live together. She’s gorgeous yet seems modest. Shes hispanic. Im white bread. I cant compete with her. She has the body of a model yet dresses in such a modest way with loose t shirts. Gadges in her ears.
I know exactly what it is about him that makes me queezy. He’s touchy feely. He hugs … I love hugs. He’s tall and beautiful in a modest way. He’s nice and generous. He has a beautiful essence about him. He has a kind spirit. A beautiful smile. He’s laid back yet ambitious and about the finish college.
He’s majoring in International Relations, which was my major while i was in college.
He speaks to all people with the same generous nature.
He touches everyone with his hands. He’s not afraid of people.
Im so infatuated with him. I need to stop because he has a girlfriend.
Im probably just making him out to be perfect and he;s not really what Im thinking he is. But honestly i have this feeling that i dont get for many people. Its a feeling of just something being so right about him.
We smoked in my car the last two nights. just me and him. Its not that big of a deal but i cant help but be so happy inside that he actually wants to smoke with me.
Last night he asked me where i came from and i said colorado and he asked how long was i there and i told him a year and he asked was it a guy and i said yeah and he said o was it air force and he was right.
he was right on the money.
he said that he moved to colorado to be with a girl too. and it obviously didnt work out bc he;s living here now.
but he said .. o well we learn.

But i just want to know how he sees me.
I want to know if he sees me as a child? as a possible lover? Ill never know. But maybe i can find out.


find a lover
I dont even like to date 4 months ago

how am i supposed to get a lover if Im almost 22 and I already hate dating. I havent been on a real date in a long time, i dont even remember when. When i say find a lover i mean i want one. I want someone to love me and I want to love them back. I think love is one of the most beautiful things to experience on earth and i dont want to miss out on it. I just want it to happen whereever and however it wants to, but i want it to happen.
Because of my last 2 year relationship i am now scared that there is something really wrong with me because he wont even talk to me anymore.
I dont even know why. Perhaps I hurt him but he never told me. I cant go back and see what i did wrong but I am just accepting that its so far in the past that i cant ever know what happened really. But I am left with this fear that there is something really wrong with me as a person that no other person that i will ever love will ever love me.
I know i am such a romantic and a niave little girl for wanting it so badly but i cant help but long for it.
I try out different types of lovers i dont really limit who i see myself with.
But every now and then i crush on someone and they give me a nervous queezy feeling in my stomach that goes throughout my body. Im pretty sure that too is a childlike quality that for some reason i just havent gotten over. But when that feeling is really strong, which isnt very often, I get this feeling of obsession. Of infatuation. And it feels good because in a way it feels like love. but i hate the feeling because its not reciprocated. Its only one sided and stalkeresk.
So i have to step back and try not to think about this childish crush.


be financially stable
i want to be financially stable 4 months ago

I want to be able to pay for my own bills and rent and not use a credit card. I want to spend my money wisely. I want to know exactly how much money i have at any given point and i want to know exactly how much i am going to need and how much i am going to spend. I want to have money saved without having to use it.



 

I want to: