Jane

Happy to say that I am now writing a quarterly column. I’m probably ready to raise the bar from the first goal of “another article,” past the current situation of “4 articles a year,” to something else. But I’ve got to meditate on that for awhile…

I thought business trips were going to be brilliant. So much travel and intrigue. Unfortunately, I couldn’t manage to leave my fear of the dark at home. I used to call my husband in the wee hours and beg him to help me get through the night by putting the phone down on the pillow next to him while I cried myself to sleep. I no longer travel for business, but I still have to deal with it whenever I’m alone at night. It’s unnecessary. I’m trying to teach my children not to be afraid of the dark, but I have to fake the nonchalance with which I talk about all the people who work in the dark—nurses, for example, and bakers. I wish I could get over it. Actually, I’ve noticed that since writing this goal down on 43things, it’s eased up for the first time. I’m also in a phase of eliminating other worries in my life, though, so maybe it’s related to my general anxiety level.

I am a nice person. I am a funny person. My friends and family know I love them. People think I’m warm and interesting. But, oh, my gosh, how I do interrupt everyone when they are trying to speak! The less I listen, the more tone deaf I become to my own communication. Luckily, I am very intuitive about people’s reactions to me and so I can tell when I need to shut up. I just can’t tell until I really need to shut up. I do want to hear what people are saying, but I also am compelled to get actively involved with what they are saying. What can I say? I’m one of nine children. It was adaptive at one point in my life. I’m approaching middle age, though, and I need to catch up on my learning from other people. I learn more when I listen. I’d appreciate any ideas on how to how to approach this, besides just resolving to be more aware. I’m so tired of talking.