janielle

I am feeling miserable because I thought someone found me special but turns out that he treats everyone else in the same manner too _. Why do I always seek approval from others? The worst thing is I do not like him because I dont even know him but i do have a mini-crush on him. Crap, why is his every action affecting me? Why do I bother so much that he held another girl and danced with her? That he uses the word “cute” on other girls so liberally? And that he said “i love you” and calls me “my dear” in a jokingly manner? it irritates me because I know he didnt mean all that he said and yet his actions and speech still affect me. Oh Bummer. What a flirt..

It took me a year to decide, but at the end I decided to take the leap of faith. Of course I’m still jittery about the uncertainty ahead, but I’ll leave the future to fate/destiny. The air ticket’s booked. I’m gonna be away in a foreign land at the other side of the world for the next year ahead! (starting from end of July)

I can safely and confidently say now that I am over him. But I have no wish to speak to him anymore, unless he takes the initiative.

Sure hasn’t been easy. It’s all my fault, no it’s yours, mine, yours. And having to bear with the swing of emotions as they oscillate between extremes. We were never together, and at least I’m glad (now) that we did not even start.

I learnt that love is a journey of mutual support for each other, not when one person tries too hard to make the impossible possible. He could have been the one, if only he bothered. I want someone to walk this path with me, not someone who would take a toil on my emotional health.

From the beginning till the end, he has never bothered at all, and it finally dawned on me the extent of my insecurity, the need to clamour for attention. But it never came. I’m learning how to love myself better and realise my own dreams. And I hope someday that someone will come and support my dreams. But even if he doesn’t appear, I can and will be happy on my own.

I finally feel like i’ve grown up, and now i’m ready for even greater challenges!