Contemplative Jenn

Saturday I signed the lease for the condo I’ll be moving into in a couple of weeks. The owner and I had coffee and exchanged ideas on parenting, parents, and life. We signed our copies and shared a hug before we parted. This is going to be good.

Tonight I reserved a 17’ rental truck for the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. I get the keys to the condo next Wednesday, but will take it slow, move a carload at a time, set up housekeeping, take some measurements, order mattresses and furniture for the kids’ rooms. I’ll retreat to that space when I need to, a much-needed safety valve, escape, given the tenor of my current “home.” My siblings will help me move the big items on the 25th, 5 days shy of my 20th wedding anniversary. Kind of poetic, bitter and sweet. But this IS going to be good, isn’t it? There is no way it cannot be.

I bought myself a settee, for my new boudoir, from a writer, on craigslist. Chartreuse velvet, tufted, which literally and figuratively supported one’s creative process. We agreed that is was meant for me.

She had written a play about her mother on that demure sofa, in the late nights keeping watch over the winding down to rest of the one who gave her life, the most difficult and the most important person in her world. Her story echoed mine, and her presence in that soon-to-be-empty house inspired and encouraged… there is life ahead, shining brightly, for each of us. That small transaction solidified a connection with a kindred traveler for some small part, at least, of the impending journey.

It cost me $75, a 90 minute drive, and a little heavy lifting. I returned with something distinctive, just for me, one small element of my new life’s vision. And I gained a hug, a new friend, and a gorgeous artifact of another’s creative process, a chartreuse ray of hope for my own. The way I see it, that is a bargain, by any measure.

Yesterday I went to view a 3 bedroom condo on Darling Street. It wasn’t exactly darling. For $1300/month it should at least be… cute? ;-)

That’s alright, because I don’t think I could give my address with a straight face. I don’t aspire to quaint. I am not “darling.” Daring, perhaps. Definitely.

I’m looking for a place where my children can feel at home, secure, with natural light and some room to move around, to be. I will find it, it will just take time.

It’s been over two decades since I shopped rentals. It’s also been over 20 years since I’ve “dated.” I have a feeling the two have this in common… by experiencing what we don’t want, we learn what we do.

The search continues….