Need I say more? I found someone, I’ve been dating for 5 months….We grow closer everyday and so far, it’s been great. Every relationship has it’s bumps…we’ve had one or two. But it’s a real, healthy, meaningful relationship. And it goes both ways. HOORAY for me! I love it! So, Color Me Happy.
Seems like i’m never going to complete this goal. Last night, I set out to go to bed by 9. I really really need the rest. I’ve only slept about 6 hours in the past 4 days.
Anyways, I set out to go to bed by 9, I ended up going to bed around 12:30. Got more sleep last night than I have all week, but I still woke up at 3:30. URG.
So, I’m sitting at school, looking at my degree sheets, and I’m realizing, I have a little over a year left at school before I graduate. I can graduate in December 2008! I’m completely psyched! I’ll have to either take 9 credits next summer or 15 in the fall, but if I do that, I can graduate in December 2008. I am so excited. Next stop, LAW SCHOOL!!!
I finished my first summer class. I got a 96% on the final giving me a final grade of A for the class!!! I stayed up most of the night last night studying, then studied all morning, napped for a couple of hours then studied some more this afternoon before the final. I’m exhausted, but it’s worth it. I got my A!!!
We had practice again tonight. The coach wasn’t getting everyone together to start…1/2 the kids didn’t show up…so i decided to take charge. I got the kids together and we set up a make shift ball diamond and started playing. They each got to hit one good hit and run the bases. It was a lot of fun.
SO, I have about a year left of undergrad. Then I need to make the decision of which law school I’m going to. There are 2 choices. UMKC or KU. Both very reputable in my area. One closer than the other. Which brings me to a sub-decision. First, I must decide…as my Charles and I have thought about moving to Overland Park, to be closer to the school (and my aunt and uncle). If I do this, I might be able to swing going to KU, which is the school I’ve always dreamed of. But if I stay in St. Joe, that is not an option. I would love to go to KU, but I don’t want to move my kids, yet again. I’ll probably end up staying in St. Joe, driving daily the hour to go to UMKC. Either way, I’m going to law school. Another benefit of UMKC is that I’ll be going to school in the state I’ll be practicing law in. At KU, I’d learn to practice, then have to take the Missouri Bar Exam after going to a Kansas Law school. While that’s an option, it seems as though it’d be easier to go to a Missouri school if I’ll be practicing in Missouri.
Any suggestions? Advise? Encouragement for one school over the other?
They are in mental hospitals. Probably not a bad idea for me either. :-) No wonder they don’t call anymore.
I had my first exam for the summer yesterday. I got a 94%! Hoo Rah! I’m getting those A’s for the summer. I’m getting on the President’s list!
This one is probably the farthest from being complete. I’m juggling work, school, kids, dr appointments, studying, taking care of my mom….i can barely keep my eyes open and I have to leave soon to take my son to school and get to an 8:30 meeting. That will last until noon, then I have class at 1:30-4:30. Then I have to meet my ex-husband at my mom’s to “trade kids.” Then, I think I’m done. Hopefully, I can go to bed early tonight. Doesn’t help that I have a cold and have been sick for almost 2 weeks. URG.
Ok, I’m done complaining. :-)
I have come to a realization about people in my life. I am the type of person who will help anyone I know do anything they need. At least help them find a way to do it. I feel my friends and my family’s problems are my problems as well. They come to me when they need help and I try to help them solve it. Lately, in the past six months or so, I’ve realized there were some people in my life that I had given so much time and effort to. I had given them my all, for them to tear me down and hurt my soul. I have come to a point in my life, where I no longer have the time or patience, (or compassion) for people who: 1. won’t help themselves, and 2. only need you around when they need help.
My point is this.
There comes a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. But it’s not giving up. It’s realizing that you don’t need certain people, the bullshit and drama they bring.
17. They way he looks back in the crowd at me after he catches a baseball or hits a homerun. He’s so proud and he looks at me and gives me the most beautiful smile and thumbs up. :-) This kid’s a power hitter.
I have met a man, whom I adore. I wasn’t trying to meet anyone. I just wanted to go to school and be on my own, being tired of games and drama. I start classes, and on my second day, there sits a man that catches my eye. I don’t say anything, of course, but go back to my place of solitude alone. I look up, and in walks this man. I’m completely absorbed in what I’m doing, but my attention was caught by him once again. It takes a few weeks, but we start talking and hanging out casually. He calls me up and asks me to a movie. I can’t go because I have to work so we reschedule for lunch that Monday. We’ve been having lunch together ever since. He spoils me rotten. Which is a direct change from any relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m enjoying it. :-) He spoils me with more than gifts. He spoils me with picnics and lazy mornings cuddling in bed. He spoils me by calling me twice a day from Italy even though it costs $1.25/minute. He spoils me with his love. The part of all this that should freak me out, but doesn’t, is that I’m not afraid to love him. Or let him love me. There has been a connection between us since the first day. I can’t explain it, but I think he may be it for me. And I can’t explain how I know, but I know it’s not just because of the relationships I’ve had in the past. There’s more here than filling a hole that never was filled. There’s respect, decency, and dare I say it, love.
I tell you, I think I was just as excited as he was to get on that field. That little man hit 6 homeruns and about 10 grounders and pop flies. I am so proud of him. Baseball is so good for his self-esteem which is pretty much non-existent these days. I feel like he just got signed with the Yankees. :-)
In my life, I am a perfectionist. In my house, I am a slob. I’m working on the later and getting more organized.
17. The way he wakes me up in the morning. I insist on waking up every morning this way. He places little kisses all over my face and says, “Wake up Mommy.” As I open my eyes, he just looks at me and grins so big.
I’m not putting this up as a money making thing. I’ve been working with them for a few years now. Each year, I get pledges and then walk 2 miles to benefit the Luekemia and Lymphoma Society. My goal is to raise $500 by Sept. So far I’ve raised $10. I really need to get cracking on this. I’ve been doing this since I was diagnosed with breast cancer during the 7th month of my last pregnancy. Since then, I’ve had the tumor removed and another appear. I also had a childhood friend die from Luekemia so this association is dear to my heart. If you can….Please donate anything…even $1. Go to my pledge page. Thanks in advance for your help.
www.active.com/donate/ltnShawne/2098_Jerebel2007
Today, I take my son to the doctor to be medicated. I have always been very adament about not medicating children unless absolutely necessary and there are no other options. So here are my two thoughts this morning.
1. What constitutes “necessary?” I’ve waited for 3 years, working and hoping he would get better. I’ve worked with him at home, with his school, with encouragement and positive reinforcement. I’ve tried all conventional means that I know of. My son is currently failing every subject in school. Failing in every part of his home life. He has only one or two friends to speak of. My youngest son is currently living with his dad because the two boys can no longer live together without hurting each other. I feel as though I went beyond trying to keep him away from medicine. Now I feel as though, maybe I waited too long. Maybe my insecurities have neglected his well being and if he had been medicated before, maybe he would not be so bad off now. So I torment myself before about working until I can no longer breathe from exhaustion, now tormenting myself for not getting help sooner. Maybe it’s part of motherhood to torment yourself.
2. Every parent wants their child to be normal and healthy. I am struggling to let go of this. I am struggling to face that my son will never be “normal” without medication. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one to get caught up on the term “normal” but I use it now as a means to express what I cannot say otherwise. I am no longer facing raising two healthy and happy boys. I now face raising a son who is dependent upon medication, that he will likely loathe as he becomes a teen. I see his Tourette’s getting worse almost daily and it frightens me. I see his behaviors; anger, agression, frustration…getting worse by the day and I want to reach out and hold him. I want to touch his heart and heal it. But I know the best I can do is rely on what this doctor, who knows nothing of me and little of my son, can do for him.
My heart is breaking today for the loss my son will experience over the rest of his life. I feel as though he will never be able to carry a typical life, free of medication. I too, am dependent on medication to lead a “normal” life. I know, no matter how improved it makes things, it is never fully the same.
My first semester back, Spring 07, went fairly well. I was set up for a 4.0 but my gramma got really sick and I missed about a week of school. Then my son got sick and my other son went to live at his dad’s until things got better. He’s still there. So I pulled 2 A’s and 2 B’s. I’m proud of that considering all I had going on. But I also know I can pull 2 A’s for the summer session and get that 4.0. I did make the Dean’s list and I’m proud of that. I know I can make it this summer. So that’s my goal.
Make love in a jacuzzi.
DONE! :-P
