jetblackflames

after talking about everything i realized how dumb i was being. i had no reason whatsoever to feel jealous, over anything. so, as of the moment… i’m not. and it feels awesome.

this morning i feel slightly discouraged. i’ve been trying to be more healthy; drinking tons of water, walking for 30 min. every morning, yoga tuesdays and thursdays, and not eating so many sweets. it just doesn’t seem to be working. i have a cold, and in two days i’ve actually gained weight. last night i started contemplating whether i should really be vegan or not. it’s difficult when i’m around my family and out to eat, but i also can’t figure out if it’s healthier for me. i tried being vegetarian once, and my body seemed to freak out. i don’t know… i’m so lost. i feel i’m trying my best, and the opposite of what i want is resulting.

i compare myself to everyone. if he says someone is hot- no matter who it is- i worry about the way i look. i don’t look anything like her. i’m not as skinny as i should be. my boobs aren’t big enough. my hair doesn’t look good. my skin isn’t perfect. and on and on. maybe it’s that they are confident and i’m still working on it. i worry so much about what is being said, on both ends, that it doesn’t go away. i want to talk about it, but how? how do i say something without sounding like an idiot? or even making sense out of this?