johnste3

After we broke up
she threw away
the photos of us
from her wall

Great gaps
of white space
between colorful
memories she retained

For a time
she was my love
my great love
only love

Long dark hair
brown eyes
and a smile
joyful to behold

She had small hands
i remember
buying the
ring

And then the emptiness
the white space
between the others
that she chose to keep

See the white space
on the wall
That is where
I used to love

springtime
was in the air
red wing blackbird

singing
cool breeze
warm sun

my father’s voice
still in my head
i could remember it then

i stopped
to go fishing
it reminded me of him

all these years
later
i remember

the sun
the breeze
on my face

but i cannot
remember the sound
of his voice

After almost a year I can say that my son is back. All the rebellion and hostility is gone and I pray gone for good.

Twice this weekend he said to me, “Love you dad.” I cannot remember the last time I’d gotten that from him…ever.

It has taken months for each of us to retain the trust and confidence of the other. My mistake was not trusting him soon enough. I think he has been waiting for me to forgive him. It has been hard. The forgiveness part is hard…really hard.

This weekend we shoveled two yards of mulch in the flower beds. Two men working together: some conversation, but mostly work. It was when we were completed and after he swept out the truck bed that I told him “thank you” his response was, “you’re welcome…love you dad.” It was all i could do not to cry right there.

There are few moments in life so crystaline, so precise, so important and we need to grab them and hold them close to our hearts. Hold the moment in your hand, and let those whom you love know that you love them.

We embraced. There in the driveway. We embraced. And I told him that I loved him too.