jomammy

This town is stripping the color off of me in layers. All of the vigor that I held as a shield to face my days with is waning. Having to interact with large crowds of the vapid and obtuse is wearing me down. My beautiful friends form an effective barrier much of the time but I still feel the need to express how cross I am with this town, how exasperated with some people. Its seems like “fitting in” or “being comfortable” in this town requires a squelching of all individuality, as well as a fierce rejection of anything that might inspire any introspection. Now, I am not deluded, I know that the whole of the problem cannot lay with other people, and while I can leave this town I cannot escape from myself; but still I must believe that leaving this town will make things better. Going somewhere where NOT doing any of the following things is perfectly acceptable: going to the proverbial “Mugshots” every Friday night, being in a sorority and wearing one of your sorority t-shirts almost every day, hanging out with people who are exactly like you (same color, musical tastes, interests, food, etc), owning four different pink northface jackets, and so many other things that it would take me forever to list. Truthfully, sometimes I envy these people; wish that I could see the word through their eyes for just an hour or so. Life has to be easier when you live on the surface like that, no self reflection, no deep issues, uncomplicated connections to other people. While it may be simple though, it isn’t real, and I always quickly come to my senses and remember that I love who I am, and I love the way that I love who and what I love (try to follow that). The people that I love know it, and who I am can’t be squeezed into a little blog. The countdown is on folks, in a year I’m getting out of here. All of the important people and things have found a permanent place in my heart and I will carry them away from here with me; all of the hurt, the rejection, the bigotry, and the unpleasant notions stay here and I will never be back to visit them. A year is still a little while yet, but I am on my way out, wish me well…