Let’s picture my talent and professional ability as an untamed horse. Basically, it’s good to have it. He’s white and powerful, a wonderful stallion. He can do pretty much whatever he wants and go BEYOND where others stop. And win. He is a winner.
But as such a beautiful and proud horse, he needs to be tamed and that’s not close to easy.
In the last years, I think I have learned to tame the horse a little. He’s been resting for a while and now I’m slowly inviting him for a ride. He imemdiately wants to go fast. But I command him to go slower. Steady, but not at his whole capacity. It’d be a waste of energy.
Slowly, the horse learns discipline. With that, he is under control. He is tamed. He can win any race. He knows HOW to use his energy. He owns himself and uses his talent according to his free will. This exercise is called discipline and is not a result of fate, but his own decision. After all, he came in the world not to yeld, but to choose.
End of mystical talking. In practice:
For my professional life to work and grant me happiness, I first of all need clear objectives. After that, I need discipline in order to get things done. There are things that help me be spontaneusly disciplined, as I find that to be my true freedom. I have spent several months being “free” from objectives, timetables, or any restriction. That happened to be the worst and less productive time of my life. The most confusionary, and I felt into a cage which was my life itself. That wasn’t freedom.
With a clear professional objective, and a discipline to follow, I feel free. Timetables. Plans. Folders. I used to think I hated these things, that they would prevent my creativity. That isn’t true. Since I was a child I had the fixation of order. Maybe it’s just fixation, maybe it’s weird for some. But I know it makes me more productive and gives me the fun of working.
I’m not saying I should be an order maniac. I’m saying, little things like having my documents organized and not spread over my desktop, having a timetable, going to sleep and waking up at a certain hour, make me feel relaxed and in control of the big white horse. Otherwise, he runs and runs with no aim. And gets nowhere. And I despair as I lose him.
When I’m controlled, moderated, focused, then I can even be relaxed in chaos. It’s a delicate balance.