yeswayjosé

raw oysters. love, love, love them.

fake chicken nuggets.

i heart the rebeccas. they’re really fun together. i especially liked hanging out with my original rebecca. it had been too long.

colin is so entertaining and really nice to look at. what a charmer.

the wu.

it was so gross looking outside. i was sure it would be cold and raining, but by the time i kicked myself out of the apartment, it was actually nice. the rain had stopped and it was, like, 60 degrees. i really appreciate that.

my downstairs neighbors are playing really good music. i almost don’t mind at all that it’s past midnight and i can hear it like it’s in the next room.

mr. pavlina wrote back and answered my question. that was nice.

an ex-boyfriend wrote me back too. i wrote him a week ago or so to tell him about the dream i had with him recently. it was a really sweet one. turns out, i think it’s because the young designer guy reminds me of him a bit. i think that’s partly why i’m a little disappointed in him. he’s not the ex and i guess part of me wishes he were. ah, well. it was nice to be in touch.

it’s easier to forgive when life is going well. or maybe it’s one of those chicken or the egg questions. is it easier to forgive because my heart is otherwise light and happy, or is my heart light and happy because i have forgiven? either way, the happy heart has no room for grudges.

the actions that led to my being hurt came from such a limited, small-minded place and time and experience have expanded my perspective since. it seems silly now to keep validating the bumbling offenses of the past by remaining affected.

remembering to exercise compassion has been the most helpful with this goal. not taking things personally and staying strong in my own heart and mind no matter what other people are trying to put on me.

but this is the ultimate: i saw an amazing video in my alternative dispute resolution class a couple of weeks ago. in a victim offender reconciliation program, a woman confronted her brother for the first time in 13 years. the last time she saw him, he was going to prison for raping her. he raped his own sister. unbelievable. turned out, he had been raped as a child and had never dealt with that, so as an adult he acted out on his sister. he was so sorry. the pain he carried around was heartbreaking, actually. at one point she thought that he had destroyed her completely. she almost killed herself, but then decided to get her life together. she refused to let him have that power over her. when she had a child of her own she decided that she wanted to put that incident and all its darkness behind her. they met, cried, and she actually forgave him. she forgave him for that horrific act. on the one hand, it blew my mind that she could do it, but on the other, it made sense. they had both grown from it. he realized what a monster he was and decided that he did not want to be that anymore and she realized that she had the strength to pull herself together, be whole, and thrive again, even after the unthinkable. growth all around. tears everywhere.

good grief, if she can forgive, i’m sure i can find some way to let bygones be bygones for the little trespasses i have endured. i’ll likely keep getting hurt, but i think that forgiveness has become much easier for me now.

this goal is done!

i had a really good week. it’s definitely easier to avoid dairy than wheat. just one croissant egg sandwich on monday and then tonight i had cake. i’m pretty sure the brussels sprouts i stole from a friend’s plate tonight had butter on them too. all of these buttery things were delicious, but i do think that i tasted the butter in them more than i used to and it felt really heavy in my body. i must say, it’s getting easier to just say no to dairy.

oh, but that cake was really good – chocolate hazelnut mousse! mmmmmmmm. i forgive it for being heavy. :)