joyella

I had a check up in January and I was 7 lbs up from last year. I know I’ve lost a little, so this was disheartening. I think what happened was, I lost a few on South Beach then gained those back plus a few Thanksgiving/Christmas lbs….so I’m hoping that the exercise will start taking effect on my metabolism. I just realized that the “weight smart” multivitamins I was taking are loaded with caffeine…and I’ve been trying to cut back on caffeine, so this was another disappointment. Still, I plod on. Actually, I’m not so interested in the poundage number, but more on the flab factor. I want to firm up and if I weigh the same number but my stomach and butt are tighter, I won’t care.

In mid December I got on an exercise jag. I was doing 35 minutes of aerobics 3 times a week and in between (about 2 days) strength training. I was consistent until mid-February when my DVD player busted. Then I realized I could do it on the computer…but I hurt my back and that put me out for a bit. Anyway, I’m trying to get back on the bandwagon. I got a big purple ball to do pilates/yoga stuff on and I think I like it. I certainly like the mellowing effect it has on me, I’m thinking I’ll try to alternate the two kinds and see how that does.

I made a new friend In January and I feel like I’ve known her for years. She’s an instant kindred spirit. She sews, has young children, and shares a similar dream to have a small business and sell funky handmade stuff.

I recently had a bunch of my girlfriends over and I am truly blessed to know such amazing women. (Thanks be to God.)

My girlfriends think I should….my family would flip if I did….and the men I know are split right down the middle…It seems like either you like tattoos or you don’t. There is no neutral ground here. I like some tattoos…certainly not all of them, and I would never want to be covered in them. Still thinking on this one. I can’t rationalize spending the money on intentionally hurting myself to make a permanent mark on my body…yet.

but it’s a start. Good posture is required for the more formal ballroom dances which I’m also learning, not in class, but just by following the lead at the Friday Night Swing Club. I’ve waltzed, cha-chaed, and Fox Trotted. I even Tangoed briefly before the music changed up on us…but I don’t really know that one.

Well, with every lame-o date I go on, I become more and more content with my single status. When I hear friends complain of high-maintenance relationships, I think, “I don’t have time for that nonsense—maybe I’m better off alone for the time being.” But maybe that’s also because I’m kind of low-maintenance. I would like to meet that one special person I feel totally at home with, but I’m okay with just being by myself and making new friends and that sort of thing. It’s new and different and it’s going just fine. Although it would be nice to have a really fantastic date for a change :)

I had my first class last week, and then went dancing again friday night. I was even complimented (by some other beginners) I guess I’m a fast learner….but the good sign is some of the same guys are asking me to dance so I must be half decent. It’s so fun! and it gives me much needed excercise. Win win.

I signed up for “Beginning Swing” it’s 4 1.5hr long sessions….I’m excited to improve.
As I heard on Mr.Rogers today with the kids, “Anything worth doing is hard at first.” I liked that, I think I will tuck that one away for later.

On Saturday I went to the grave site of my late sister. I hadn’t been there in at least 10 or 12 years. It was a tough visit, but I got to tell her some things that were on my mind lately, and just cry and sit a while. It’s a beautiful place. I’m still glad I chose the plot near the pond, not that it matters to her very much, but for me and others to visit it’s really peaceful and lovely. This month marks the 17th anniversary of her death. While there, I realized that I have now lived more of my life without her, than with her. I still miss her.

For the past three weeks I’ve been attending the Friday Night Swing Club to learn swing dancing and I’ve been having a grand ole time. I’ve also learned Fox Trot, Merenge, and had a refresher in Cha-Cha. I love dancing, I’m not fantastic yet, but I have learned how to follow the lead (for the most part).

It all depends on your perspective. I would say it was a necessary evil.

We had the hearing last Friday. My father and I arrived at the courthouse about twenty minutes early, and because I had a camera in my purse had to dispose of it…Dad volunteered to take it back to the car, so I waited and people watched for a few minutes. Interesting characters coming in and out of the building at quarter till nine in the morning. After dad came back we made our way to the small dingy grey room. I wasn’t so sure which side to sit on, but on t.v. the plaintiff sits to the right so that is where I decided to sit. There were others there waiting for the same dismal reason. As I sat on the hard wooden pew bench I thought of the day we were married. I was proudly escorted down the aisle by my father in the dress I made. I stood on his other side then, on the other side of the aisle in a church. Instead of the groom waiting for his bride…I was the bride-not-to-be-anymore awaiting my groom for our anti-wedding. He came with his “best man” and while the uncomfortable silence was deafening, I instantly recognized his voice just outside the door. They came in together and sat on the opposite side of us whispering about something. At around nine fifteen the Master appeared and swore us in. No bibles. Just raise your right hand and swear to tell the truth. Does raising one’s hand make them more truthful than usual, I wondered. I was then asked to come forward to a table and sit down to answer some questions. To all but one the answer was, “Yes”. I forgot to address him as “Your Honor”. The hardest question of all was, “Is there any reasonable hope of reconciling?” “No,” I replied, and as I said it it stung. After my dad gave his testimony to verify the facts, it was over. M didn’t have to say anything, and neither did his witness. I shall be getting some paper in the mail making it official. All those years undone in a matter of minutes.

I am glad of the closure, the end of the limbo period. I like definition in my life. What I haven’t liked is this new title I wear like a giant scarlet D.

I was too grumpy on South Beach…never lost the weight. Well only about 5lbs which came right back…I just need to excercise more.

I have my court date on Friday. I believe everything will be final then, of course the papers will come in the mail later…perhaps in time for our 12th anniversary. That would be a nice way to celebrate, eh?

What fun can be had at a sheep and wool festival? Well, if you are a color and texture loving person like MK and me, you’d have loads of fun petting delicious skeins of yarns and bundles of rovings (pictured), fingering woven, knitted and crocheted textiles, admiring skillfully crafted spinning wheels and looms, and patting angora bunnies, goats, sheep, llamas and my favorite, alpacas! There were a pair being sold for $1500, and it was sure tempting…(I think I’ve mentioned here that is one of my dreams, to have an alpaca farm. I am doubtful of it actualizing, but it still remains an interest.) I saw so many beautiful colors and patterns, my eyes could scarcely drink them in, and choosing my favorite yarn would be impossible. The two skeins I came home with, however, are a gorgeous deep, dark varigated purple/black/indigo wool/camel blend. This fiber “blooms” when washed and tumbled without heat, which means the fibers open up and get very, very soft almost like felting. It is my intention to make a shawl, poncho or some kind of wrap for myself…I’ll try to remember to post it when it is ever finished.

I have the hearing/trial on May 26th….and then I will be FREE, although I don’t expect to feel much different. Perhaps a weight will feel as though it has lifted, I’m not sure. I haven’t felt married for quite a long time.

This is one way I am now starting to make friends, possibly not the lifelong kind of friends I enjoy the most, but friends all the same.

Because I wasn’t super strict on myself, I may need to go back to phase one in a couple weeks, after my trip to my sister’s.

This morning when I stepped on the scale, it registered 2 lbs less than my start weight. Today is my last day on Phase 1 of SBD, although I have cheated a little. Last night I had a few glasses of red wine with a friend and then I followed them up with a few “Pocky” (a Japanese cracker stick dipped in chocolate.) Funny how after a night of dietary cheating I actually weigh less…I wonder what that’s all about?

The status of my marriage is now in the hands of the Circuit Courts of Baltimore County. I filed the complaint for divorce this morning. It won’t be long now.