I'm doing 15 things
I was doing so well. Eating everyday; keeping those negative thoughts to a minimum. But now here I go again. Back to the basics. I tend to pass my addictions around like I’m playing some perverse game of musical chairs; a different winner every time. I stopped purging and started cutting. I stopped cutting and started drinking. But wait-drinking made me gain weight, so back to restricting. I’m not sure why I do it. I guess it serves as a distraction from my mind. I don’t have to think about anything. I don’t have to remember anything. I can sneak thoughts of calories and numbers into my mind and push everything aside for a while. I know it sounds cowardly and pathetic, but I can’t help but fall into the same routine every time. And I’m not sure I want to stop. Because without it, what will I have?
jpetes593's Life List
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1. Slow the world down so I can breathe
3 cheers1 person -
2. Fall deeply, madly in love
2 cheers5 people -
3. Stop taking medication for my depression
1 entry . 3 cheers1 person -
4. Recover from my eating disorder
4 entries . 9 cheers185 people -
5. Beat my depression
7 cheers1,963 people -
6. Read all the books that collect dust on my shelves
5 cheers1 person -
7. Slow dance with someone I love
3 cheers4 people -
8. Escape to a cabin in the woods
6 cheers1 person -
9. Start my own greeting card company
1 cheer2 people -
10. Marvel at all of the beauty in our world
1 entry . 6 cheers1 person -
11. Overcome anxiety
10 cheers743 people -
12. Be an artist
4 cheers670 people -
13. Work with Habitat for Humanity
4 cheers28 people -
14. Teach my future children to play Debussy's "Claire de Lune" on the piano
1 entry . 4 cheers1 person -
15. Sew a dainty dress for springtime
2 cheers2 people
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I take a lot of pills. I can’t pronounce them and I’m not entirely sure what they do. All I know is that they make me feel nothing, like I am a hollow being. I’m starting to think id rather feel sad than nothing at all. If I’m going to get over my depression, I want to do it on my own. I want to know that I am brave. It might hurt to face this alone, but pills don’t make for good company
