I did not think it was possible to get over, to forget, my first love. I pined away after him in my head and my heart for five years. And there was no need to. There was no need to keep him there because that blinded me from seeing the beauty of others. The possibility of others who could care about me. I never thought anyone would love me the way he did, that I would love anyone the way I loved him. But it is possible. Someone is there for you, believe that. Someone will connect with you. I just had to see it to believe it. And I regret holding onto that pain in my heart, not believing that there would be anyone else. I am so glad that I took the chance to get to know someone who erased the pain of five years, just with his caring for me and me caring about him. I just could not believe it.
julianbaker09's Life List
1. be happy
2. find at least one thing each day that makes me happy
3. feel again
4. do what i love
5. make a difference
6. become fluent in spanish
7. kiss a woman
8. stop being afraid of rejection
9. go to Mexico
10. read more for fun
11. learn chinese
12. Let go of the past
13. Go to an art museum
14. go to a waterpark
15. learn how to play the piano
16. learn italian
18. read O. Henry's short stories
I met this guy. And he is pretty awesome. He is someone that could truly know me and still loves me for my imperfections. I’ve gained a lot of confidence in talking to him, believing that someone could love me for who I am, emotionally and not just for sex. So if things don’t work out with him and I have to move on, I can find comfort in the fact that such a beautiful person loved me. And hope that this will give me the strength to keep moving forward.
I went on my first date last week with the guy I mentioned in the previous post whom I met online. I really enjoyed being with him. I felt more comfortable and relaxed rather than an intensity. And after the matter, I realize you have to be honest with yourself and trust yourself in order to get a date. You have to trust that you are interested in a person and not just treat the person like anyone else can replace them. You have to open yourself up for the other person to see you, to see who you are, in order to even have the chance of knowing you and potentially liking you. And then sometimes you just have to take a risk, because I would never know him, this beautiful person, if I hadn’t messaged him that fateful day. And that is pretty amazing in and of itself. <3 If I hadn't been pushy and messaged him a second time after him not responding to my first message, we would not be talking almost two months later. Have courage, but don't fall if it doesn't work out. I've gained confidence from this experience and have learned that it is okay to ask somebody out, but it's not okay to crumble if they say no. That I'm not an insignificant being. Because your tears aren't worth your beauty.