juno4444

Not too much time has passed. I didn’t call him for his birthday and I think he forgot about mine. He left voice messages on my phone and they nearly derailed me. That’s why I need to delete delete delete!

49 days to go.

We’ve been apart for several months after I moved away. But I went back to visit him and…you know the deal. It was never going to work between us. Too many fundamental differences. And too much pain between us. I wish him well – but I wish myself even better.

It was almost much easier when he lived right down the street from me. I moved halfway across the country a few months ago and have spoken to him nearly every day since (9 months nearly). Sigh. And he moved on to someone else, got her pregnant and everything. But because of his massive dysfunctions, that relationship hasn’t worked out either. But I make excuses for the contact. Oh, he’s so far away. He needs my support. He needs this. He owes me money. He’s not the solution. Talking to him, answering his calls, our back-and-forth banter which leaves me only feeling STUCK and HOPELESS is never the solution.

I have to surrender. This is the hardest thing to do. But that’s all I can do. There is no way I can move forward with my life if I continue to give even a little bit of myself to him. No more.