I really need to stop drinking so much.
I drink almost every night and I KNOW it’s not good for me, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I have a stressful job and whenever I have a bad day, I fool myself into thinking I deserve it.
I moved back in with my parents at the beginning of the year and my mother is always on my back about my problem.
I used to kid myself it wasnt a “problem” but of course it is. Drinking every night is not normal behaviour.
I am depressed about a lot of things, especially my weight gain, and I know this is one of the reasons I drink. I gained a lot of weight because of the drinking. It’s a nasty cycle.
So I’m planning on for now, drinking only on weekends and cutting back from there.
I’ll be clogging up this bored with the details of my attempts!
I’ve been meaning to check this one off for a while. Went back to blonde and haven’t looked back. Everyone knows it suits me better…they were all just being kind while I was in my little “brunette stage”.
I really want to work in the UK, either at the end of this year or early 2008. I finally know friends who have moved there, so I won’t feel totally lonely living in a strange country.
Working my arse off this year to build up an impressive resume, going to as many conferences and seminars that I am able to fit in. Updating my studies where I can.
The plan is to locum over there. A few months working and a month travelling around. Repeat this for at least a year. Much better money, a lot more professional respect (oh yeah and did I say A LOT MORE MONEY). The jobs are plentiful in my field, just need to register with the RCVS.
A colleague who has done this made me promise not to just work in England but also to work in Scotland, Ireland etc…all over.
Every Aussie seems to have at least lived 6 months in the UK at least sometime in their lives lol.
As long as they don’t blame me for Neighbours…
My work outfits comprise of either scrubs, surgical gowns or other wildly flattering things such as lead aprons for radiology.
My friends all have “classic office” jobs. They get to wear beautiful clothes, jewellery and keep their nails all pretty.
Sigh.
Nothing worse than meeting friends for after work drinks…I sort of feel like a rock in a garden full of flowers (lol you know what I mean…)
Over the years I seem to have adopted my dull work attire into my everyday wardrobe.
I know a lot of this has to do with my self worth etc (not going to go into that here yawn)
I am going to change this. So even if I must dress in the most unflattering ways at work, I am going to dazzle everyone outside of work hours.
My silver lining? My job is a lot more interesting than my friend’s jobs.
lol.
Today was one of those “hard days” but I think I did not too bad.
Well physically ok but probably not emotionally good.
I have eaten well within my calorie and fat requirements and went to the gym and did my regular cardio work out.
I am just feeling really down.
Oh and it did NOT help that at the gym I saw my trainer with his g/f.
I kind of have an itty bitty crush on him. Just a tiny one.
I knew he had a girlfriend but I did not know she was so damn beautiful.
BLAH!
How can you love someone you constantly lie to? Put down. Hurt so badly. Always telling them how much you hate them.
Dear Me,
I am sorry I have been such a shit to you.
Please forgive me.
A work colleague/friend of mine and I have talked about volunteering and doing one of the programs there involving the of desexing dogs and cats there to help control the unwanted and feral populations of these animals in poor areas.
I think this would be amazing.
All my friends are now either engaged or in serious relationships.
They left me behind!
It always has been a bit hard for me to make new close friends. Not that I am too much a loony (debatable), I make friends easily, but not close friends.
People have said this is because my best friend and I are extremely close. We literally live in our own world. We live together and to put it the way another friend said “we piss in each others pockets” (gross). He said people are intimidated. (She is my soul mate…no denying this…so lucky to have her).
But I would love a new group of single friends to go out and go crazy with. I would never ever forget my old friends, but I really need it. Old married (practically) girls don’t seem to care much about going out anymore. They have met their man. They don’t see the point.
This leaves me looking like this -> :(
I drew today for the first time in a long time.
It felt amazing.
I forgot it was my zen.
Now all I want to do is pick up that pencil again, I am twitching to draw again.
I have made around $1000 in the since Dec 06, just by cleaning out my wardrobe and selling the things I never used anymore.
Do it!! You won’t regret it!!
Just don’t forget about those eBay fees! (Which never come out of your account on time!)
I am feeling pretty good about it all today.
I have had healthy food all day and I just made some spaghetti bolognaise for dinner. I used a crap load of veggies, whole wheat spaghetti and some of that soy “mince”.
It was actually pretty tasty…sometimes some of those meat replacements are gross.
I went to the gym this morning and did my cardio and resistance work outs. I got some assignments done, which is a massive load of stress off my mind (they are sooo over due). I should have them all done by Tuesday.
Then I found time to sketch for about an hour or so which is like meditation for me…it’s totally zen.
So yeah, good day!
I have heaps more energy, my skin & hair look great and I am never hungry.
Ok so after my last post I really did get cracking and plowed through half of my assignments.
And now…
I feel fan-freakin-tasic.
I am such a tool…it feels so bad to put them off and so good to just do them…so why I do I waste so much time?
I am so behind in my studies, aughhh. No one to blame but myself. I just find working full time + studying a bit of an effort. After 10+ hours at work the last thing I feel like doing is coming home and studying more of the same! Then when I get a bit of free time, I say to myself “I’ll do it later, I’ll do it after etc etc”.
This needs to change.
Ok, going to try and crack open a folder now…
Still having trouble eating too many carbs. And my iron & protein needs are only juuuust being met. Time to reassess my diet…AGAIN!
I am feeling pretty motivated at the moment.
I have been recording my exercise & eating habits at sparkpeople.com and that has helped me so much. I eat pretty healthy diet, my biggest factor with my weight struggle was my portion size & snacking. So here I can see what I am eating and basically try and make it fall within my allowed calorie/fat quota. Damn genius!
I also have the iron counter on since I have had deficiencies in the past.
So I am off to clean my car (seriously at the moment, by looking at it you would think I have been living out of it) and then off to the gym!
Ok so I made a slight (very slight) mistake with my original BMI calculations. It is 32.7 and not 33.1.
Still awful lol!
Original BMI – 32.7
Current BMI – 32.3
Short term Goal BMI – 29 (to be done by June)
Long term BMI Goal – 20 (which would be my BMI at my goal weight)
Ok so I am setting myself one simple rule for this month.
No drinking alone.
It is becoming more and more of a habit.
I have made it my goal for the month. The consequences for failing?
Make myself go into work horribly hung-over and suffer for the whole day.
Tough call for all of us I know. Even worse when you’re a Veterinary Nurse and will probably be stuck in surgery for several hours!
