kamcm

Am not doing well right now. Had a nasty eye infection for the last week or so, then a few friends came to visit for a birthday. So, so work or excercise, and lots of comfort/birthday food, not good.

Anyway, am definitely gonna get my ass in gear as of this week, would really love to be sub-210 for the new year.

It’s all going to be about routine for me. Early starts and some light exercise before my morning shower.

Beginning weight: 235 pounds
Current weight: 217.8 pounds
Change this week: 1.4 pounds
Total weight lost: -17.2 pounds

Moving in the right direction and feeling good about it. That 20lb goal is definitely within reach, very exciting.

Still getting out and having fun, trying not to compare myself to all the tiny blondes I seem to go out with. I fell off the exercise wagon rather badly last week, so am scaling down the workouts to the ones I found more managable in the mornings.

Beginning weight: 235 pounds
Current weight: 219.2 pounds
Change this week:
Total weight lost: -15.8 pounds

Ok, so I may not be moving in the right direction yet, but all is not lost.

I’m feeling a lot more in control this week, have exercised every single day, in the mornings when I can. It’s also been a good motivator to keep my food in check. Y’know, if you’ve done so well to get up early and exercise, you don’t want to waste it by eating crap later in the day.

Also, I’ve been having some mixed times when it comes to life and my body in general. I’ve started on my new course at uni, met loads of new people and surprised myself with how willing I’ve been to just put myself out there. Also, not that I’m not working in a hospital anymore, I’ve felt more free to wear cooler clothes and break out of my trousers-and-plain-v-neck wardrobe, and I like it. I’ve also been for a some nights out, dancing like a crazy person, having some awesome fun, just like I thought it would be when I finished this goal.

Except, without the guys. It kinda stings, feeling like the only girl in the club not being flirted with, especially when your friends have wandered off and found people. I know it’s all superficial crap and that I probably wouldn’t let it lead to anything anyway, but it’s still kinda nice to be asked. Then again, I still probably wouldn’t trust someone interested in me, still expect it to be someone making fun of me, or trying to get my number for a bet.

So, it may be a bit of a sour thing to drive my motivation, but I think it’ll help push me that bit harder. I’m can be pretty confident in myself as a person, my abilities, my personality, what I’m capable of. But my body still needs quite a bit of work before I’ll really like it myself, or expect anyone else to.

Anyway, sorry for being such a moany sod. I think the main thing is that in most ways my weight has only held me back because I let it. I have my fair share of neuroses and insecurities, but I’ve now made the decision to meet new people, dress more creatively and get out and have more fun. I don’t have to wait til I’m in size 10 jeans to do it.