kati1

ok, two blog posts so far. will post again this week.

after a very long sabbatical from 43 things, i started taking my handy dandy sony cybershot with me everywhere! taking pics, uploading them onto picassa. And today, tonight, just now, I actually started a blog. I will be blogging about my exploration hopefully frequently!
http://smalba-ny.blogspot.com/

just got back from Portland and had the chance to go to the Crystal Ballroom to see X. Built in 1914, it is a beautiful building that the McMenamins have accented with their inimitable style. Grand chandeliers, huge windows, and the Mcmenanins flourish provide great energy. I steered away from the floating dance floor due to large quantities of floating beer in my belly. To get to see legendary punk band X in this venue was amazing. They put on a flawless show and the crowd loved it! Non stop music, cheering, foot stomping, best night in a while!

review the things and remove any that i most likely will not do. Such as shave my head. I still care too much about how I look, so in all likelihood will not do this til I am 80.

right, so no improvement on posture however, now that i see myself everything we chat on the webcam, i notice the hair. I have the same exact hair since (no exaggeration) 1985. What is that like 23 years?? So I cut it. Cut quite a bit. Today was the “unveiling” of the new hair style at work. some people actually walked by me and then had to double back when I spoke. They didn’t even know it was me. So, although it is probably not the most flattering hair style ever, it is worth the amusement when I go unrecognized. I wonder what else I will notice while I am diligently not making efforts at achieving this posture thing?

The first time I every went to a McMenamins property was one of the nicest days I’ve had in a while. Partly to do with the company, partly to do with the place and partly to do with their philisophy. Many of their locations are renovations of historic properties. Re-purposing old buildings is something we in the States don’t do well and they, Mcmenamins, do it flawlessly.
So far I have been to Edgefield, the Bagdad, the Kennedy School. 3 down 57 to go?

now that i see myself during conversations I notice two things.
One I have horrid posture
Two, i bite my lip allot during conversations.
will keep the lip biting thing and work ont eh posture.
but now i keep hearing “why are you looking at yourself on the web cam and not me?”

I did ride on the tram, but it is monitored at all times by a “technician” that makes you feel as though if you try any hanky panky you might be carted off to a secret lab somewhere and experimented on by people in white lab coats which incidentally you see scurrying around there.

I would say I’ll try Powell’s next but it seems so easy that i am sure it has been done over and over again. Was thinking maybe one of the claw foot tubs in the public bathrooms Edgefield in Troutdale. Maybe next visit.

although I love living here, it is not a great place to find people like me. All these year and I have only found one. i would hate to have to move to say…Portland or Austin.

So i ask, is one enough?

it’s him. i have tried and tried but just can’t get past the wall. At least I know form the things that he does for me that he loves me. Will just never have a great converstaion with him. he like to talk about everything that I am against in politics, womens roles, life..etc. So any conversations we have end up in debates. Guess will just settle for all the work he has done in my house, the fact that he obsessively makes sure all my smoke detectors work et all, to know that although it is not a verbal one, I still have a great connection with my dad.

have gotten from 60 hours a week to 50! Of course, this past week what with the holiday and all, it was more like 30. But what is expected is around 50 and that is what I am sticking to…now to just be more productive with those extra 10 hours a week…..

things that keep me from going to be early:
books
bad TV
the internet
and the new web cam we got…so now the three hour time difference definitely works against me as we stay up talking.

maybe now that I have recognized what is keeping me form this goal I can work to overcome them?

I know, tis a bit early to mark this off as done, forever being so far away and all, yeah? But I decided to be confident and avoid eating an entire plate of brussel sprouts, which is what I committed to if I don’t ‘do this’ by tomorrow. Besides, i have passed major tests, been around smokers, drank, had coffee, etc. So feeling confident.

Have been working out, walking more, eating better. And totally noticed that my senses of smell and taste has changed. Those two in themselves make quitting smoking worth it. Also found out that it is true, I wasted allot of time smoking. Since I no longer do the ‘oh, I’ll just have a cigarette before I….” am being much more productive. Fun!

Not only have I not had even the smallest of drags since Friday..but I just finished watching the movie Thank you for Smoking. I had thought for sure I would want to smoke fiendishly throughout the entire film, ‘cause it’s bound to be a non-stop smoke fest, yeah? So i picked up a bag of Dorito’s on my way home (so i can die from saturated fats instead of lung cancer) just in case I had to fight the urge to find a cigarette and light up.

The cool thing? I just moments ago finished watching the film, saw some of the DVD extras, and only now, sitting in front of my computer, looking at the Quit smoking forever on my 43T, did I realize that I never experienced even the most minute of cravings! Never even opened the Doritos (buffalo wing flavor so just might have to open them tomorrow). Truly Amazing.

1 1/2 weeks left on the first batch of the Pfizer mind control drug, then I am taking a break from it to see if I can sustain this without the Chantix.

by the way, if you haven’t seen it, you should. it’s pretty brilliant.

and decided no matter what my English lit prof said, it sucks. would rather watch Daniel Day lewis in the movie.

I do this a few times a year. I clean out closets and donate clothes. (just did this today). I go through my books and trade them in, but this year am thinking of having a book sale and donating proceeds to RIF. I pile up things for garage sales every few years. Feel great. Still can’t seem to get rid of all the clutter but someday maybe…

Tried a cigarette in high school. A group of us went to the abandoned barn in the fields behind our street. THE perfect place to try all sorts of things in our misspent youth. I was the only one who didn’t get violently ill or cough up a lung. For some bizarre reason, this made me proud. I found it exciting, exhilarating and loved the buzz (which got me in trouble all throughout my life, that damn buzz.)

It is something which most people have to try for themselves, but try it, put it down and walk away. It is so much easier to walk away after your first one than your millionth one.

I get that there is something very sensual about smoking, after all, that and the nicotine are what kept me smoking for 20 some years. I also get that you may think you look better with a smoke. But truly, if you look good with a cigarette, it is only because you look good without one. As far as the social aspect, you can go out with the smokers, but just don’t smoke. I have friends that do that all the time. I anticipate being one of those people myself, once the cigarettes have lost all power to seduce me.

My reasons for quitting aren’t because I no longer want to be a smoker, I still want to be one. A smoker to me is more than someone who smokes. It defines an attitude towards life: laid back, less uptight, less likely to follow the rules, experimental, charismatic, sensual…I could go on. But I am quitting for more personal reasons, and not really health reasons either. But after 7 days, especially after this weekend, I am very glad I haven’t smoked and am more convinced than ever to never smoke again.

So go ahead, try one, drop it and cross it off your list. Do it now while it’s easy. and good luck.

but very soon! just went the entire weekend without a smoke. Exposed myself to other people smoking and spent time with the extended family which always made me want to light up. Have thought about it a few times, such as when I had coffee today (had been avoiding that all week) and after meals. But I think I am on the right path. Whew! was getting worried about the whole ‘entire plate of brussel sprouts’ thing.

Even more impressive than the Sunday without a smoke thing was Monday and Tuesday at work. I mean, at home I would be alone and not have to face cigarettes. At work, people smoke, they talk about smoking, they invite you out for a smoke, and leave cigarette packs lying around, much temptation yeah? Admittedly I have gone without coffee since Saturday. My first cig every day was tied into my first latte, even if my first latte wasn’t til hours after I woke up, so I thought it better to avoid that whole thing. I had a few rough stretches yesterday, just general cravings, but today was much better. It took actually seeing someone smoke to give me a craving. What I think has been a big help (aside from the Pfizer mind control drug) is the yerba mate I have been drinking. It is similar to loose tea that you drink out of a gourd with a metal straw that has small holes at the bottom to work as a sieve. I think it is the straw part that helps with the cravings. It substitutes the oral part of smoking nicely with much better health benefits. Looking forward to day four. Secretly, really looking forward to a day when I stop counting how many days it has been since my last smoke. Will that ever happen?

So, not a single cigarette today. Which is cool. Did think about it quite often though. Also, shouldn’t be too proud of myself since stayed home all day and did chores. Every time I thought of having a cigarette, I got busy. Soon, the moment would pass. What really has me nervous is going to work tomorrow. I know that not smoking at work is the real challenge for two reasons. One the stress, and two, the availability of cigarettes. Much easier when you are not around people who smoke. Update on the Chantix, no real side effects this first week, but today started on what seems a stronger dose, larger pill. Shall see what the week brings.