Kendra Potts

I just posted my first item on ebay. I’ll admit that I’m a bit terrified. I’m excited too. I got the table posted and then promptly thought, “How the heck am I going to ship this thing!” I will be stopping at fedex to figure that out. I hope it sells. I have so much stuff that it is overwhelming me. I think I’m noticing this is because I’m in the midst of moving and it seems that all of a sudden things I had forgotten about are popping up left and right. I’ll probably wind up getting rid of most of it.

Purge! I saw some updates from people I haven’t seen in a while the other day. I freaked out! They are doing amazing and I am still here and have made almost no progress in my life in the last two years. So the first thing I do is purge as much extra stuff I have laying around to try and clear out my life in hope that it will make room for new things to come. Change needs to come and I need to move forward instead of staying here to drown.

In the economy of the world today this goal may never stay done. Now I just missed my goal date by a few days, but I’m still going to count it. I think I can relax now.

So I think an update is needed for this goal. The guy I was seeing the last time I wrote, well he and I are not seeing each other anymore. It kills me too, because I have an insanely difficult time trusting people, especially men. The fact that I let myself trust him was huge! That fact aside, I’m rebuilding myself confidence.
This goal may seem silly, especially if you Look at my picture next to this entry, but It is important. I won’t lie. I do receive compliments on my looks on a regular basis. I’ll also tell you that I ignore nearly all of them. To me they sound insincere and it spooks me. Weird, maybe, but that reaction comes from experience. Also I don’t want to have to rely on compliments from other people for me to find myself beautiful. I think that is a big issue for most young girls these days. It isn’t how you look, but how you feel about yourself. If you are confident in yourself then that is beautiful. Looks only last for so long so be amazing in what you do and how you act.
That’s all I go on the subject.

Hey everyone, It’s time to pay the bills again! Though I’m looking forward to paying these bills I did get a nasty surprise in one of them. Let me start by saying that I haven’t used my credit cards in months, only cash for me. So a fortnight ago I was out of town for a funeral and everyone was staying at this on hotel. Now I can’t afford this hotel so I was staying with my family, I’m not the only college student of all my siblings. I was the first in my family to arrive so I had to put the rooms on my credit card so everyone would have a place to sleep that night. My parents were going to take over the bill the next morning. So my mom goes down the settle the bill and they tell her that it is taken care of. She assumed that everything was transferred over to her card, not so, apparently when they said taken care of they had me down as the one footing the bill.
When I found out I was in such a panic I couldn’t sleep that night. I was so close to paying off that credit card! Now I’m behind. I’m upset about this but I’ll deal.

I got my mid-month spending report. I am way under budget which is really good that means I’m saving a whole bunch. The extra money that I’m not spending is being split up. Part of it is going to be spent, but not on useless things, I’m using that money to buy seeds to grow a garden so my food bill is really small this summer. The second part is going to pay off my debt, and the third part is going to savings for school/ apartment. I just have to keep going. I know I can do this!

Hi to anyone reading this. I don’t know how many actually do and I don’t care, well scratch that, I care that you are there, not the number and I want to acknowledge how much it means to me that you are there. You keep me accountable and in doing so are helping me achieve my goal. I have noticed that the less I log on to 43 things and up date my progress the more I have a tendency to stall on progress or even regress. So thank you

How can I bike more and drive less when it is so cold out. I can barely get my rear away from my heater let along out to bike places. Winter is not good for this goal.

Most days I am simply content, not happy but not sad either. I discovered yesterday that a dear aunt died. I should be sad, but I feel so numb to it. There has been so much death in my family that her passing from the earth almost seems normal to me. I hope something isn’t wrong with me. I loved her very much and even took time out of my life to visit with her. Maybe it will hit me at the funeral

I’m half way there. Dug in deep and made and saved half of what I owe. I feel rich and I want to go out and spend but I know I need to keep going at it. I am going on a short vacation with some extra money I put aside. I am staying at my cousin’s house to save money.My whole trip is about $150 for a week. I think that is a reasonable reward for getting half way through debt.

One degree down one or two more to go

This goal is proving difficult. I take half of what I make and put it away not to be touched. I don’t even consider that as part of my income. At that same time it always seems like I never have any money because it all goes to bills. Why does school have to be so expensive.

Marhaban!

I don’t think I’ve cried enough. I’m just so sad about every thing to do with him. I texted him last night. I had a one-sided conversation with him. He tried texting back but I wouldn’t listen to him. I was a total b*. H deserved it after the way he treated me. I wasn’t even all that mean just rambling to distract my mind from the pain I was in. You see I had a migraine from hell last night. I lost feeling in half my body and I was afraid that if I fell asleep or started convulsing I wouldn’t wake up. I needed someone and no one could be bothered with me. So I had a one-sided conversation with the one person who wants nothing to do with me. I effectively pushed him away. The funny thing is I want him so close to me. Even now I’m not sure if I want to hit him or hug him. He probably just thinks I’m crazy and has removed me from his life completely now. Maybe I deserve being alone. Happiness has never really been my friend. Maybe he has forgotten that I was his friend to begin with. He treats me like an exgirlfriend but we never were. I think I should apologise for last night, but he should already know that I ramble when I’m in pain. This is so messed up!

I picked up a third job helping out a friend at her tailor shop. It’s funny that I even got the gig. I didn’t know how to sew. I’m learning now and even getting my own projects. I don’t think I will ever be a seamstress, but the skill is useful.

So this is going to be a big one on my vague list. Here it goes… I had a miscarriage about two months ago. I haven’t said anything to anyone until recently. I never said I was pregnant no one knew but me. It was hard to experience. I never thought this, but you can feel this tiny person growing inside of you. I got into the habit of talking to him…He would have been so beautiful. So happy Mother’s Day!I don’t think I qualify, but to all the mothers out there this is your day.

I had a nice long talk with a friend of mine. He helped me to get to good perspective on a certain situation. I might be able to fix things and make changes for the better. Thanks Josh! I really appreciate it.

Happy is hard to come by for me these days. I’m content but not happy. I was recently hurt by someone I cared for. Not physically but emotionally. I want to cry every time I hear this persons name. Being sad stinks.

Yesterday was St. Catherine’s Day. The day that you pray to St. Catherine to help you find the right one. Man, I was praying hard yesterday.

I am feeling so down. My birthday wish was to go to Mexico. My family is going to Mexico… without me… on my birthday! I think I have a reason to feel down.