kevflamme

http://candeocan.com/obsessions-compulsions-pornography/

read this article. it has helped me a lot. it changed the way i perceive the natural and inevitable sexual desires.

see you soon. i am off for a break to a place where there is Francoise Hardy! :-)

2 months and i still do not have any ‘wet’ dreams you guys are talking about. when will it happen? I am desperately in need in one or i will voluntarily FAIL!

but here is what i realise:

1) there will be a ‘breaking point’. Understanding the vicious cycle of your habit will give you a clearer picture on WHEN to really not give up. Myself, for instance, I will start to have a hell lot of lusty thoughts in my mind (and all of those old porns’ images will project themselves ever so clearly on the wall of my brain) every 3 days. That is when you really feel like you must must must do it. BUT. if you hold on a second longer, a minute longer, an hour longer, and yes, a day longer, it will fade away, and on, say, 4th day, everything will turn normal again. STUDY your breaking point and do not submit. My new breaking point is every 5 days.

2) to combat breaking point, i have done and participated in a HELL LOT of activities i never thought i would do. I joined a local jiu jitsu club and when it is time to do sparring, i will just lash my frustration on the other guy as if i would kill him (haha). and i came back to swimming which i abandoned for a very long time, and improved my butterfly stroke tremendously. I joined a chess competition (urggghh nerd!) and a scrabble competition. i took french and spanish languagers classes. all that, sometimes, dont make any sense to me. in the end i do not know what the hell i learnt from all that, and i realise i have forgotten masturbation!

3) force yourself, at once, to be disidentified with yourself, be like, i dont know, someone who isnt you, but really is just you – go out there, be hungry about wanting to do a lot of stuff you never imagined you’d be doing, but dont GO TO CLUBS where there are damn hot chicks (LOL). Change your attitude about women. It’s like the same attitude you have for your mother or sister. etc. Women are mysterious human beings and exciting to get along with IF you dont objectify them.

4) i have a problem though. it is exam season, and many of my so-called activities are taking their breaks, for the purpose of the exams. So far, 8 days have gone with me staying in library, lectures halls, and my own room without vigourous activities.

huaarrgh. help me!

failure? what is it with failure that induces so much fury?
will fury makes failure less painful, or will it enlarges its cuts and wounds?
but does failure necessarily cause cuts and wounds?
can’t it be a form of a healer?

i left this website for more than 2 months because my studies gets the majority of my life. i am taking a break from the academia and thinking of coming back to visit my friends here. things have been different now, yes? and more interesting than it was.

what differs us the members of this 43things community here than the people who have the same problem (but have yet acknowledged masturbation as a form of a ‘problem’ or ‘habit’) – caught in the vicious lifestyle of masturbation – is our conscience. YOU and ME, bless us, because at one point of time, we were conscious of our choice; to abandon our habit.
it is our INTENT. i strongly believe ALL of us here have one pure INTENTION while launching our exodus. isn’t it already a success? YOU and I are admitting that MASTURBATION swallows the best of us, as human beings, takes up most of our time, eats our health, kills our social skills, makes us total LONERS!

yet, how many of us really celebrated this starting point of it all? consider yourself lucky because the rest of entire humanity: regardless of their positions: priests, pastors, politicians, celebrities, teachers, pheasants are still blindfolded by the hedonism of pure-pleasure activity and have yet seen the light, that spark of change.it’s either they are ignorant or they havent arrived at where we are now: the exodus.

but of course, being lucky alone is not enough. now we must march along, be a band of brothers, facing whatever there is to face while keeping our intent sacred.

and look at where we are? some have arrived at their third mile. some at fifteenth, some even go farther away, ‘travelling’ and ‘roaming’ the earth more than 2 years and have arrived ‘lands’ and ‘territories’ we could only imagine to traverse.

but some of us, when facing hardship and turmoils, run immediately back to nothingness. how does that not induce failure? running back home and is scared of the violent truth that our exodus will inevitably offer us? why cant we stay where WE HAVE been? at your third mile, 20th mile? why do you have to run all the way back home to start all over again.

that’s when fury settles in. YOU see your failure as an end of the road. thus, you decide not to go further, and goes home.

in true concept of time, YOU can’t go back. you’re already here. there’s no repetitious day 1. there’s only intermittent breaks between your current mile and the following ones.

if you see your failure as a small break (which we dont deserve but we are not prophets or purists. we are NORMAL maybe sub-normal human beings) and subsequently get up and continue, the aftermath isnt so bad. im not saying it’s OK to masturbate, or there is nothing wrong in failing, but WHO ARE WE to taste succelence of success in one go? WHO ARE WE not to commit mistakes?! But then again, WHO ARE WE not entitled to CORRECT our mistakes.

It doesnt matter if you believe or disbelieve in the concept of god, BUT, our playing SMALL doesnt serve justice to our existence. shrinking to the background do not make things easier for entire human race.dont crawl back to nothingness. dont shrink. march forward. Be BIG. and share love with the others, not hate.

learn, learn, learn, to forgive yourself. in the end, you only have yourself to convince your whole being that ‘you are doing just fine’

here’s to failure and fury.