kikimasu

is back to posting on her journal instead of in this public place.



I'm doing 34 things
 

kikimasu's Life List

  1. 1. Visit a monastery
    4 entries . 20 cheers
    23 people
  2. 2. Finish writing at least one book by the end of next year.
    2 entries . 16 cheers
    1 person
  3. 3. Learn Spanish
    5 entries . 17 cheers
    15,444 people
  4. 4. Create a circle of true, close friends
    1 entry . 58 cheers
    48 people
  5. 5. Learn to rock climb
    1 entry . 22 cheers
    423 people
  6. 6. Pay off all my debt
    7 entries . 37 cheers
    361 people
  7. 7. learn to ice skate
    1 entry . 18 cheers
    461 people
  8. 8. start drawing again
    1 entry . 22 cheers
    416 people
  9. 9. Learn to Salsa
    2 entries . 16 cheers
    1,348 people
  10. 10. Learn French.
    1 entry . 14 cheers
    10,556 people
  11. 11. learn to tango
    1 entry . 18 cheers
    1,147 people
  12. 12. Learn to play a string instrument
    7 entries . 17 cheers
    18 people
  13. 13. Travel around the world.
    12 cheers
    4,599 people
  14. 14. collect an oral history of my family
    32 cheers
    20 people
  15. 15. Have a book published
    12 cheers
    145 people
  16. 16. Learn to scuba dive
    1 entry . 15 cheers
    2,559 people
  17. 17. Visit Ireland
    13 cheers
    2,448 people
  18. 18. learn to fly a plane
    1 entry . 7 cheers
    1,070 people
  19. 19. Visit Lily Dale
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    1 person
  20. 20. Take a ride in a hot air balloon
    3 entries . 11 cheers
    54 people
  21. 21. Read 20,000 pages in 2009
    13 entries . 4 cheers
    1 person
  22. 22. Memorize at least 5 poems in 2009.
    1 entry . 6 cheers
    2 people
  23. 23. belly dance in public
    3 entries . 10 cheers
    5 people
  24. 24. Do something out of the ordinary at least once per month.
    5 entries . 16 cheers
    1 person
  25. 25. Post poems I love regularly.
    72 entries . 6 cheers
    1 person
  26. 26. Do more of what I WANT to do and less of what I think I'm supposed to do.
    1 entry . 16 cheers
    1 person
  27. 27. Spend at least two weeks in Paris
    4 cheers
    1 person
  28. 28. plan and follow through
    2 entries . 1 cheer
    3 people
  29. 29. go on a Buddhist retreat
    5 cheers
    36 people
  30. 30. ride in a gondola down the Grand Canal in Venice
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    3 people
  31. 31. get my butt out of bed by 5:30 every morning and exercise
    1 entry . 3 cheers
    2 people
  32. 32. Lose 20 pounds
    1 cheer
    6,629 people
  33. 33. Pose nude for an art class
    2 cheers
    281 people
  34. 34. visit Memphis
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    7 people

How I did it
How to find someone who loves me as much as i love them
It took me
1 day
It made me
surprised


How to sign up for a class doing something physical in the next four weeks.
It took me
2 weeks
It made me
Proud of myself.


How to listen to my heart more
It took me
100 years
It made me
Introspective.


See all "How I Did It" stories...

Recent entries
heal my heart (read all 25 entries…)
Endings 1 hour ago

I’ve met someone new. It’s a strange feeling to be starting over again. C left things in such a way that we will never be friends, which makes me sad but, in a way, is also freeing. He has moved and we’re both moving on. I’m taking things slowly with B. Past experience has taught me to be less impulsive, more careful. I’ve thrown out or packed up anything having to do with C and I no longer have to worry about running into him around town because he has finally moved. B will have a harder road with me because of what I’ve been through, but, on the good side, I’m more aware of my own issues and ghosts. We’ll see what happens. No matter what, whether it’s with B or with someone else, I’m definitely moving on. Finally.



Read 20,000 pages in 2009 (read all 13 entries…)
September update 1 month ago

Work left little time for reading this past month, but I did finish Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard (271 pages). It’s a great book and I highly recommend it.

I have started Ward No. 6 and Other Stories by Anton Chekhov and The Stories of John Cheever. 360 pages and 690 pages respectively.

When I finish those two, I’ll be at 7058 pages left to my goal. I’m working on a book of the collected poems of Frederico Garcia Lorca but I’m not going to put those pages down until I get through it. I tend to take more time with poetry. I’ll be taking that book and The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton with me when I go to the Abbey in a couple of weeks.



heal my heart (read all 25 entries…)
Ego and pride 1 month ago

I’ve been thinking a bit about that previous post and about everything that’s been going on. I know that my pride is hurt. My feelings are hurt. I think that part of the reason is that, as hard as things were, I was willing to stick it out and work on it. Each time we were together I tried and he just disappeared inside himself. I think the fact that I gave it so many chances and tried so hard with someone who was so obviously not a good fit for me makes me feel a little bit pathetic. I realize it’s not logical, but feelings rarely are. I’m a strong, fiercely independent sort of woman so the idea that I was so willing to lay down, to sublimate all my needs and desires to someone else, really bothers me. It makes me question who I really am.

This is about more than C. I always seem to gravitate toward emotionally unavailable partners. I think that the hard part with C was that he had convinced me that he wasn’t that way at all. When we were apart, he was a different person. So loving and open and willing to give of himself. Then we’d get back together and he’d shut down.

I’m trying to figure out what, if anything, I’m doing wrong. I know people find me attractive and interesting. I feel a bit like the character in Sunshine Cleaning when she says “But I’m good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me.” I’m not sure why that is. Hopefully I’ll figure it out someday soon.



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