kimchi858

Okay, I’m obsessed with food. I have to start writing it down, because there’s no one left to bore with all of this. Sure, there are other Cron’ers on the web but they’re kind of weird, not exactly like me. Since I can’t find anyone like me, I accept that I have to be alone in all this and I shall entertain myself. I don’t want to write any of this in my blog, because I don’t want comments from family and friends about them being worried that I’m eating disordered.

I don’t care if I’m eating disordered, this is how I want to be. This is the happiest I’ve ever been and I don’t want to defend it to anyone. I just want to be happy.

Tomorrow I fast, and after that, I will write here my daily detailed diet. I went shopping today and bought everything I needed for the week.

For the past four years, I’ve been good, mostly, but I want to be better.

It took me 2 years and 9 months to lose 150 pounds. I have maintained my weight for 15 months now and I want to perfect my diet. I get scared I’ll slip, I’m scared I’ll lose myself little by little and I am determined to not let that happen.

Maybe ‘scared’ isn’t a good word. It makes me sound weak and shivery, and I don’t feel that way. I’m just aware that I will always have to keep on top of this and sometimes the awesome responsibility of the rest of my life being on guard is sort of intimidating, so I think it is best to cultivate really firm habits.

Moving to an official Cron diet isn’t too much of a leap from what I’m already doing. I picked Cron because it was the closest to the way I live my life anyway and I know drastic changes are not the way to go, so I’m hoping I’ll be motivated to clean up the little bits of my eating habits I’m not happy with.

Sundays in particular are a serious problem and it needs to come to a screeching halt. I’d always allowed myself a day off from dieting the whole time I was losing weight, but lately it’s become a terrible binge fest from which I’m having difficulty recovering, both physically and emotionally. Until I get a handle on balancing my entire week, I’m going to stick with fasting on Mondays, but I’d like to have my whole week more balanced.

Let this be my weblog on getting a grip on myself.

love, me

This is going to be difficult, but it’s only one day a week and you can do it. Rest on this day and do yoga and meditate and think of deeper things.