kittykatmax

I know that if you eat nothing your body will just shut down, but I also think we’re brought up to eat much more than we have to. I also think juice fasting/liquid fasting is a brilliant idea that can stop you from going into starvation mode. I think that eating as little as possible is the only thing that works, because it’s the only thing that has ever worked for me. If you want to be healthy and thin, you should diet and excersize. If you hate yourself and want to be emaciated, then starving is how you do it. (and drinking unheard of amounts of water/tea)
goodluck!

I am obsessive about food and I feel so guilty every time I eat that I want to cry. I feel ashamed and disgusting and fat all the time and it makes me completely shy and self-conscious. I’ve been dating a boy for the last month(first relationship in two years) and I’ve already gained 5 pounds. I feel like the only way I’m happy is when I’m alone and controling what I eat obsessively and staying busy. I dread seeing friends because I know I’ll end up binge eating something awful and feeling miserable for the rest of the day. I stopped cutting because I didn’t want my boyfriend to know how much I hate myself, but I did today. I scratch all the skin on my stomach with an exacto because I am miserable and can’t remember a time when I haven’t been. I am so uncomfortable it’s unbearable.
I don’t even feel like I want to be happy like this. I took prozac for a month but it just felt like a fake sense of ease and I didn’t like it. I stopped seeing my therapist because I couldn’t talk to her, I just felt uncomfortable and I lied. I even pretended I was coming back, I’m terrible. I couldn’t even tell her I didn’t want to come in anymore.

I’m sorry I had to tell someone. tomorrow’s a new day, and hopefully better.

I’ve always wondered about the lines drawn around anorexia and whether it should be considered a mental illness or a physical illness. Or a mental illness with phsical side effects. So what happens when you have the constant mental suffering associated with anorexia piled on top of the shame of being a normal weight. Constantly lying and hiding and hating yourself, counting calories all day, avoiding social situations, drinking tea, looking up pictures of emaciated women, and finding sites like this so you have somewhere to express your frustration and self-disgust. It’s not anorexia, but it is a constant obsession that has been making me miserable for most of my life. Not anorexia, but something I can’t stop or control. Maybe the act of wanting to be anorexic is a disorder of its own. It also never made sense to me that you don’t officially have the disease until you show the physical side effects.