kotspot

I can’t really say how long it’s been going on. I’m not sure when I started forgetting every night I darnk in excess. I know that I have wrecked my brain that when I do this is the inevitable cause. I hate it and me for it. I am so unhappy in a way I that I manage to have convinced myself that when i’m sober i’m ok but it only then comes out when i’m drunk. I’ve managed to alienate people I love. But I can’t give up drinking because although when I break down and freak out which only happens when i’m drunk it indicates to me that its not an alcohol problem but something else. I do know that most of my relationship problmes have arised due to booze. I don’t know what to do. I can and have given up drinking for a month here and there and that helps but I think that whatever it is that i’ve managed to supress is deeper than drinking but I wonder if i’m kidding myself