Sarah

My mother is quite literally the most wonderful person I’ve ever known in my life. There were times when I thought it would be so much easier if I’d never been born, but my mom was always there to reassure me and give me this certain strength in her unconditional, pure love for her only daughter. The trouble is, it’s so much easier to say things like this to everyone else. I get uncomfortable putting my mom through more emotional nonsense than necessary. My goal is not to go into this much mushy detail, but still to say the words “I Love You” to her every day, and mean it, and let her know just how much I mean it, and what she means to me.

Forgiveness has always been a difficult concept to grasp, and I don’t think that’s exclusive to ME, I think EVERYONE feels that way at times. I haven’t been able to forgive myself for some of the terrible things I’ve done in the past. But I’m working on it. It’s hard to forgive friends who lie about stupid things or ask inappropriate questions, too. But I’m working on it. I’ve never been close to my father. I’m working on THAT, too. I know it isn’t impossible to forgive. I think the first step is learning to let go.

“I’m sorry. So sorry. Please accept my apology . . . . ” There are so many things I’ve done for which I really am sorry, but I never say so. And then there are other things for which I apologize, even though I don’t really mean it. I want to change my ways. I want to learn how to be comfortable enough, and honest enough with myself, to apologize and mean it. (And, conversely, I want to stop saying I’m sorry, just because somebody else might want to hear it.)