lambie

all of my healthy habits came to a screeching halt last fall when justin & i said our final & forever goodbyes. we used to go to the gym every single day and he would help me with my weightlifting.
i’ve heard he still goes but he’s still as fat as ever.

i don’t want to lose weight, i just want to get toned. i do consider myself ‘fat’ although an overweight person would laugh in my face because of that fact.

i just don’t like what i see when i look in the mirror after a shower. perhaps i never will.

note to self: in the next few days try as hard as possible to save $150 for that “Private Exercise” gym in San Marco (personal trainer 24/7!). You already have new shoes- JUST GO!

i don’t know how but one day i just stopped going. yesterday, ironically, i threw out my keycard to my yoga studio thinking i wouldn’t need it any longer.

the last time i took a class was when i went down to tampa in december for a business trip. there i was meeting my coworkers for the first time, and they told me that they had a yoga instructor coming in, as she always did, to conduct a class. so i went. and i remembered how much i love yoga- as difficult as it is at times.

i didn’t take it so much for the toning of my body, i didn’t practice it long enough to see any results. i took it more so for relaxation- to “be in the moment”.

i need to start again, soon.

i simply took it day by day. accepted the love, care, concern, and prayers of my loved ones. woke up each morning when i didn’t want to, took my zoloft, did everything the doctors in the mental hospital wanted me to- and before i knew it, i saw life in a different light.