larina10

Sunday I was baptized and joined a church with my family and I’m working everyday to make my relationship with him better and stronger.I’ve given him full permission to take the lead I’m learning that by doing that it might not be the way I would think would be best but the lord has a plan for all of us and I know that his plan is a lot better than any plan I could ever make on my own.

I know the only way I’ll ever be able to make any of the goals on my list come true are to put him first. Trust in him hand over my problems to him, not rely on a plant to solve my problems but the Lord to take care of them for me. I’ve really strayed away and it’s been so long since I’ve had that close relationship with him. If I don’t get it back the rest of my life will be a literal living hell. Everyday I feel like I have a piece of me missing and I know that’s what it is it’s him wanting to come back in and be a part of my life. I need his love it’s the only thing that’s going to full fill my life. I want that happy feeling back I want to feel good for no reason at all not drug or alcohol induced, but happy that he lets me have a life to live has given me a beautiful wonderful handsome son and a loving supportive husband who I do know I can trust and has always stuck by my side I’m so thankful for the family I have who I know are always there. The roof over my head the clothes on my back, food I eat just everything. Without him none of it would be possible and I’m walking on the dark side of life when I truly know if I could step over into his light things could be even better. I just want to walk in his footsteps again. Please dear Lord lead me. Amen

Well I haven’t quit yet but I have cut back I only smoked once monday and once yesterday maybe I wont smoke any today…I don’t even really feel like it. I’m feeling awfully depressed today getting high might make me feel a little better but then later on I’ll be an emotional wreck so I just don’t wanna deal with it. I had a job interview yesterday I think they liked me if they call me back this morning I think that will give me the motivation I need to just stop…..if not who knows…